The Power of Forgiveness

Want Peace? Try Forgiveness

By: Sharon McElroy, Blogger

“The magic didn’t happen to him. The magic happened to me.”

Amazingly, these were the words of abuse-victim Ben Bosinger after letting go of years of resentment toward his father.

So what happened?

One day, fed up with pain he’d been carrying around for so long, he paid a visit to his dad. The “magic” occurred while they were looking at Ben’s motorcycle in the driveway.

“In that instant, when we both were bent down looking at that greasy engine, side by side, I forgave him,” he recalled.

He added: “It was something bigger than me that made me forgive him.”

This really resonated with me, based on what I know from a book key to my own spiritual practice -- that “the divine energy of Spirit” helps us progress and see things anew.  

Ben’s story is from a different book -- it’s just one of the many moving stories in the Book of Forgiving, recently published by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and daughter Mpho Tutu. They’re certainly qualified to discuss the subject. Besides experiencing the everyday hurts of the injustice of apartheid, they also had other struggles. He suffered from an abusive father, and she and her family experienced the devastating murder of their beloved nanny.

In humility the Tutus disclose how they have to continually learn about forgiveness, sometimes in dramatic ways. But they also make it clear that when we’ve been wronged we can use these opportunities to transform ourselves by changing how we think about others.

“No one is bad, and none among us should be defined as the sum total of our worst actions,” they said.

This is another idea I’m familiar with from my own spiritual practice, but I didn’t find it easy to carry out during a recent experience. 

I’d just sat down in a cafe next to two young guys. At first, I didn’t mind hearing their pleasant conversation, but out of the blue they started talking about women in a derogatory way. I couldn’t believe it. I thought, “How can these American, hipster guys feel it’s ok to even think like this, let alone voice it so publicly?”

I was angry about the injustice of their ideas, and three things went through my head. First, I considered saying something. Then I realized confrontation probably wouldn’t make things any better. Finally, I wondered if I could actually love and forgive them.

Led by this deeper desire, I leaned back in my chair, and a few lines from a friend’s song came to mind: “Where there is hatred, let me sew love. Where there is injury, pardon.”

This helped me quiet the reactive feelings of self-justification and get on with more solution oriented thinking. As the Tutus said, I knew I needed to see these weren’t bad people, but they’d been taken in by bad ideas. From my own practice, I knew there was a deeper, wiser point of view of who they were -- so much more to what really defines each of us than our worst actions.

“Material sense does not unfold the facts of existence; but spiritual sense lifts human consciousness into eternal Truth,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy, my favorite author on how best to connect with that “something bigger than me”.

As I yearned for this even deeper view, and contemplated the divine source of that presence of good in each of us, I felt a kind of mental and emotional shift. My anger and feelings of injustice drained and I suddenly thought: “Their sense of God must be very small, if that’s how they’re thinking.”

My heart went out to them. It occurred to me these guys had probably just been taught a different worldview than mine.

In the larger scheme of things, this was a modest spiritual awakening. But the revised view gave me a palpable sense of peace, which had seemed impossible just minutes earlier.

In their book, the Tutus refer to Dr. Fred Luskin, the Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, who has seen the effects of forgiveness on health. In an interview, Luskin said: “There are billions of people telling themselves that somebody was a real [jerk] all day long. That’s really easy for human beings to do. That’s swimming with the stream. To create peace, you need to swim against the stream sometimes, in fact, often.”

Indeed, it can be hard to “swim against the stream” of our reactions to injustice. But heading down the path of forgiveness can be as simple as knowing we each have this spiritual sense that can identify the good that’s present even where it seems far from obvious.

As we do that, we shouldn’t be surprised if we have our own Ben Bosinger moment and feel the joy of freedom that can overtake us when forgiveness takes root in our lives.

Sharon McElroy writes about health and spirituality. She practices Christian Science healing, and works in media relations. 

Life Lessons

21 Life Changing Lessons from Maya Angelou

 By: Gina Sainvil, Executive Director, MAGS Consulting Ltd. Tanzania

“I did what I knew… when I knew better, I did better” ~ Maya Angelou

1. People will never forget how you made them feel.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

“The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise.”

2. Attitude is everything.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” 

3. If you don’t change, you don’t grow. If you don’t grow, you aren’t really living.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

4. You are more than what happens to you.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.”

5. You can only love others as much as you love yourself.

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” 

6. Life isn’t about surviving but about thriving.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

7. You should never lose your faith in LOVE.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” 

“To those who have given up on love: I say, “Trust life a little bit.”

8. Ask and you shall receive.

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” 

“Love life. Engage in it. Give it all you’ve got. Love it with a passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.”

9. You alone are enough.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

10. Challenges are opportunities for growth.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I’ll rise!”

11. There’s a difference between merely aging and growing up.

“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”

12. True power comes from within.

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”

13. Your parents will always be your parents.

“I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”

14. Nothing last forever. Appreciate everything while you still have it.

“There were people who went to sleep last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. And those dead folks would give anything at all for just five minutes of this weather or ten minutes of plowing. So you watch yourself about complaining. What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

15. You weren’t born to blend in, you were born to stand out.

“If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.”

16. Making a living is not the same as making a life.

“I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life’.”

17. Dreams won’t work unless you do.

“Nothing will work unless you do.”

18. Great things take time.

“All great achievements require time.”

19. Diversity is a beautiful thing.

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.”

20. Fear is a waste of time.

“We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives.”

21. Each of us has the power to change lives.

“Each of us, famous or infamous, is a role model for somebody, and if we aren’t, we should behave as though we are — cheerful, kind, loving, courteous. Because you can be sure someone is watching and taking deliberate and diligent notes.”

ANGEL OR DEVIL?

Living Life from the Gray area!

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I recently read an interview with filmmaker Lee Daniels in which he talked about living life from the gray area and I quote: "Even the most evil person was somebody's baby at one time. And that's where life is lived. I've never been that comfortable with black and white."

His statement resonated deeply since I have always known that we all are imperfect beings full of ‘paradox and contradiction’ capable of unspeakable acts through words and deeds. The realization and acceptance of this ‘knowing’ is very freeing. It allows me to embrace my dark and light natures. It allows me to live a more authentic and courageous life. It allows me to forgive myself and others when mistakes are made. It allows me to be less judgmental and more accepting of myself and others. It allows me to be more compassionate and kind. It allows me to be a better human being.

As the year begins, I somehow feel that the acceptance of this very simply belief is the path to sanity and a happier life. But I would be remiss if I did not remain hopeful that sometime in the future, humans will evolve to ‘beings’ who will consistently choose to act and respond based on their ‘light’ nature…I remain confident in the eventual victory of good over evil.

HoneyBees: An Experience Worth Sharing

Sitting with Gratitude
Written by Sarika Jain, AVP, Strategy and Innovation

Last night we had a beautiful Awakin sit here in Manhattan, where we shared our reflections on our daily life and on the heart-opening passage, ‘Micro Moments of Love’. Through each sit I attend, my heart fills with gratitude for the group wisdom, the buddha, that emerges through powerful reflections from the heart. This latest jewel of collective wisdom of the sangha is what I wish to share with the community today.

Bah, as described to the group, is a Japanese word that describes the energy that exists in the physical and energetic space between two people vibrating at a high frequency. It is the magical electric current of love that comes alive between two people as they share a joyful, love-filled connection. What is it, and how does it manifest in everyday life?

Self-love and self-acceptance seem to form the basis of being able to fill our hearts with the ability to share love-connections with others. As we process our positive feelings, or even difficult human emotions of anxiety, anger, stress, confusion, amongst others, are we able to observe them mindfully, to accept them as part of who we are? To empathize with and have compassion for the different parts of us, and to surrender and accept what is, helps create a sense of peace and equanimity, a sense of contentment; a place from where the heart can start flowing, like sap oozing from a tree. When we love ourselves, and engage in contemplative practices such as sending gratitude to different parts of our body, we begin to take better care of ourselves – eating better, working out, taking care of our spiritual body through meditation and yoga, amongst other examples. We begin to cherish our unique gifts and want to share these with the world, no matter what we perceive the return is, as our hearts begin to sing with love and joy.

Compassionate listening is another form of sharing love with someone - it generates the possibility of creating deeper connections and a transformation in our thinking. As we begin to lovingly listen to others, even in moments of stress and agitation, taking a few deep breaths and mindfully observing our feelings and emotions, we begin to have greater awareness for ourselves and others. We fill the space in between us with a loving, patient energy as we listen; creating a soft cushion for healing and transformation. Acceptance and forgiveness become easier to practice in this state of listening.

Loving speech, the other side of the coin of compassionate listening, leads to a deeper connection between people, and can be seen as gifts or jewels which has the effect of transforming a difficult situation, bringing love, joy and a sense of communion and understanding.

We have the opportunity to share physical love with a total stranger, even if they seem foreign or potentially threatening to us. A friend shared how her friend was sittng in a packed subway car, and a daunting person came asking for money from each passenger. This person came and squeezed himself into a tiny space right next to the friend, and put out his hand, demanding money. Instead of recoiling in frustration or fear, she took a brave step – she held his hand, looked him straight in the eyes, and with firmness and kindness, said, “I love you”.  He was shocked, and yet, he melted with love and joy, as did the others around them.

When we are feeling lonely and disconnected, no matter where we are in the world, the quickest fix is to share joyful, love-filled moments, even with total strangers. In the train, airport, grocery store, office – each moment is ripe with opportunity to make a connection with another person. Acts of kindness, sharing a gift with a new friend, or even a joke – each brief exchange of love makes each part of the day more special, exciting and meaningful.

Perhaps another form of love is that which transcends human love – it is the deep-found respect for all beings, an understanding of the sacredness in even the tiniest form of life. A friend shared how he mindfully observed two large bees that were stuck in an AC vent in his apartment - they were buzzing around, making many attempts of finding an exit for their survival. He patiently waited for over twenty minutes to help the bees out, despite his own slight fear of bees. They finally made it out with his help, and he had a private moment of rejoicing their flight to freedom.

As I sat in the room, a thought came to me - we are each honeybees, being fed and loved in these beautiful, sacred spaces such as yesterday’s sit - these hives of sweet nectar and nourishment. It is our job to go out into the world, pollinating each person, each being, with love, compassion, joy and kindness – sharing one micro-moment of love, at a time. When we share these micro-moments of love, we are making our own lives richer, longer, healthier and happier - and do the same for others, creating ripples of bah wherever we go :)

SISTERLY LOVE

Finding Your Invincible Summer.
By Elizabeth Lesser, Co-Founder of The Omega Institute

I will be speaking on Thursday in Newtown, Connecticut. I was invited by the Sandy Hook Promise, a now-nationwide group founded by Newtown friends and neighbors to heal and to be part of a conversation about violence in America. I’ll be speaking with my friend Rev. Ed Bacon. Ed and I have hosted numerous shows together on Oprah Radio; this time we’ll be speaking and leading a conversation we’re calling “Finding Your Invincible Summer.” We chose the title from a line from Albert Camus, who said, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

As fate or synchronicity would have it, I learned recently that I am the match for my sister’s bone marrow transplant. Things are moving faster than we thought they would and the transplant will be happening soon. I am going this week for a day of pre-transplant tests to the hospital where my sister is being treated. So, the day before I speak in Newtown, I will be putting into practice ways of “finding your invincible summer” as I prepare for a journey through winter into summer with my sister.

I will be writing much more about the transplant journey in the weeks to come, but for now, I want to share with you a practice I will be leading during my talk in Newtown. You can use this practice to find within yourself strength, healing, and inner peace for dealing with any challenge you may be facing.

Sit up tall in a chair or cross-legged on the floor. Feel the strength in your backbone. When you sit with a straight back a sense of dignity is felt in the body. You can see this posture in the iconography of all of the world’s wisdom traditions: the Greek gods and goddesses; the Chinese goddess Quan Yin; Jesus on the cross, or Mary in her blue veil; the Native American chiefs and the indigenous shamans—in all of these figures, you see a similarity of strength and dignity, and at the same time, openness and softness. As you sit with a straight back, also let your chest open and your shoulders relax, so that you feel what the “great ones” felt: the sweet spot between strength and softness.

Where strength and softness meet is where we find our invincible summer. If we are too hard—if we keep ourselves too protected from the pain of life—we become brittle and can break. If we are too soft, too sensitive, we can let so much in that we are overtaken by fear and heartache, and we lose our faith, we lose our way. This is why the practice of sitting still with what the Zen tradition calls “strong back/soft front” is so helpful. We don’t have to turn to the words of others; we don’t have to belong to a religion; we don’t have to go to a workshop. We carry within our own bodies a compass that leads to the invincible summer.

I will be leaning on this practice while I donate my marrow to my sister; while I witness her struggle; while I pray for her openness to receive new cells, and her strength to withstand the treatment. I will try to offer this same kind of strength and faith to the families in Newtown. And I will feel all of you doing the same on the roads you must travel in your own lives.

MOTHERLY LOVE

What is this thing called a mother’s love?

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Several experiences this weekend lead me to reflect deeply on the meaning of motherhood. The first experience was my attendance at a Barack Obama’s initiative to serve brunch to mothers at a homeless shelter in NYC to celebrate Mother’s Day. These mothers were women from all walks of life each mentally challenged and the majority had children. The second experience was seeing two movies; ‘Babies’ and ‘Mother and Child.’

So what did I learn from those experiences? I realized that being a mother is probably one of the most difficult roles a person elects to undertake. I also realized that society does not allow us to be truthful about the awesome responsibility and difficulty of motherhood. The way it’s portrayed in the movies is an experience that is always blissful and peaceful, yet the reality is sometimes very different. I recall a friend telling me that the only way she survived the birth of her son, was to pretend that he was only going to be with her for a short time.

A mother’s love, especially in the formative years, is a selfless unselfish act and is considered the highest kind of love. Most women want kids and are happy with their newborn. Eric Fromm in ‘The Art of Loving’ describes the love of a mother as: ‘A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.' But as the child grows up and begins to separate from the mother, motherly love becomes difficult because it continues to require unselfishness, the ability to give everything and want nothing in return.

According to Fromm, ‘the real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother’s love for the small infant, but in her love for the growing child.’ He concludes that ‘a woman can be a truly loving mother only if she can love’ meaning that she is a happy person who loves herself, her family, her husband, other children, strangers and all human beings. Well said Eric!!

SELF LOVE:The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, is a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”As I reflect on the word LOVE on this Valentine's Day, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

My Life Lessons from Steve Jobs Death

What is the Definition of a Life Successfully Lived?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I was genuinely sad when I heard of Steve Jobs’s passing and immediately got on my social media platforms and defined him as a genius, an inspiration and declared his life a shining example of a life successfully lived.

As the founder of a social enterprise, The ACADEMi of Life, a place of ‘higher learning’, I quickly began to second guess my initial response and found myself asking a deeper question: who was Steve Jobs and what did he stand for? I was very clear that he was an iconoclast, a design and marketing genius who created products people loved. He understood us and knew what we wanted and needed. I fell in love with his entire product line because he created them with love. I believe the reason so many people love his products, is that we could feel the love in them. And, who doesn’t want to be surrounded by love.

What was not so clear however was the nagging question of why he was stricken with cancer? Cancer I know is a disease that even in oversimplification represents dis-ease…a word that indicates someone who is ‘out of ease.’ I consulted my library and pulled a book I frequently reference when I am suffering from any type of ailment, the New York Times bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life. This book, by author Louise Hay, has a listing of every possible disease and the related probable causes.

I looked up cancer and its probable cause was: ‘Deep hurt, longstanding resentment and a deep secret or grief eating away at the self…carrying hatreds.’ I recently read a Steve Jobs article which included this statement: Jobs ‘has refused to speak to his biological father, despite the father's efforts to contact Jobs. He was quoted as saying, "This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared, even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him." One is left to wonder whether he was really ever able to get over his adoption…ever able to forgive and release his past. Could the pouring of all his love into his products without replenishing and understanding his emotional needs, finally cost him his life?

So what has his death taught me?
• Being talented, smart and financially successful is only part of the success equation.
• Denying the surges of fear, hurt or revulsion that we may feel daily, only serve to ignore a most complimentary and essential realm of self…our inner reconciliation…the other part of the success equation.

As David Brooks reminds us in his recent book, The Social Animal, ‘most success stories are told at the surface level of life.’ But if we look one level down, to the ‘unconscious realm of emotions’ we are reminded that we are far less rational and far more emotional that our success stories reveal. As such, in order to experience a full and happy life it stands to reason that “a life successfully lived” is one that strikes the correct balance between matters of the heart and head.

I suppose I am not sure of all the correlations between ease and dis-ease but as a person who strives to understand the inner self, I truly believe that it is just as important for us to strengthen our inner minds as it is for us to build great products and billion dollar organizations with our outer minds.

Maybe someday soon we will be able to articulate to ourselves and to our children the true definition of a life successfully lived! RIP, Steve Jobs.

Image from exame.abril.com.br

LOVE

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


As we enter a month usually focused on our relationships with others, take a moment to remember the importance of your relationship with yourself.

Who can help us understand love, love of self and others, better than the courageous, funny and self-deprecating author Elizabeth Gilbert. This award-winning writer and NYT bestselling author (EAT, PRAY, LOVE – A story of self-discovery and COMMITTED – A love story) needs no introduction. Her books are a fascinating meditation on marriage, men, relationships, infatuation, and family, and – ultimately – an enthralling celebration and understanding of love.

So please join us on February 24th, at 7pm at The New York Society for Ethical Culture as The ACADEMi of Life presents An Evening in Conversation with Elizabeth Gilbert.

Here are a few things you probably don’t know about her.

• She is an expert on men.
• She impersonated a man for a week for an article she was writing for GQ magazine.
• She worked as a bartender at a bar named Coyote Ugly Salon on NY’s lower east side.
• She wrote an article for GQ magazine on her bartending experience which later became the movie Coyote Ugly.
• She met her future husband in the Coyote Ugly Salon.
• Her first book was a short story collection called PILGRIMS, which was a finalist for the PEN/Hemingway award.
• EAT, PRAY, LOVE was translated into over thirty languages and sold over 10 million copies.
• Her TED talk on Creativity is one of the most watched.
• In 2008, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Here are a few powerful nuggets from her recent book Committed

• Infatuation the most perilous aspect of human desire – that famously distracted state in which you cannot concentrate on anything other than the object of your obsession.
• People are far more susceptible to infatuation when they are going through delicate or vulnerable times in their lives. The more unsettled and unbalanced we feel, the more quickly and recklessly we are likely to fall in love.
• Divorce is the second most stressful experience most people will ever undergo in their lives. The emotional havoc that accompanies divorce is often colossal.
• Part of what makes the experience of divorce so dreadful is the emotional ambivalence.
• It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people ever to rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse.
• All human beings have failings, so to be fully seen by somebody, and to be loved anyhow-this is a human offering that can border on the miraculous.
• Marriage, childbearing and child rearing are personal, complicated and generally ambivalent decisions.
• Childless women who are a part of the ‘Auntie Brigade’ should be honored and celebrated for they often take upon themselves the task of nurturing those who are not their official biological responsibility.
• If you honestly want a society in which people choose their own partners on the basis of personal affection, then you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. There will be broken hearts; there will be broken lives. Exactly because the human heart is such a mystery.

As the big love day approaches, take a moment to ponder this observation: the most important relationship and the greatest love affair you will ever have is the one with self. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Don’t miss this candid modern dialogue with Elizabeth Gilbert on these very important topics. Details http://bit.ly/fUnTC5

Family

…what does it mean?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


As the holidays approach, the conversations begin regarding the dread and duty people feel about spending time with their family. It seems as if we have been conditioned or socialized to believe that we must love and get along with our families. Life has taught me that love cannot be legislated, coerced or demanded, it has to be authentically given…even to our family.

What is this thing called family anyway? We are born and we get to meet these people called our parents; Mom & Dad…we become sons and daughters. We also get to meet the extended family, grandma and grandpa, sisters, brothers and cousins. Then later we meet the nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews. The western culture dictionary definition of family (from Latin: familiare) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity (same blood), affinity, or co-residence.

Throughout the years we discover that we have varying levels of affection for these people to whom we are connected by blood. Some we love, some we like and some we don’t care for at all. I have had friends who have confessed that they feel as if they were strangers in their own families, yet they yearn for the ‘belonginess’ of a family. I have had mothers tell me how much they dislike their kids, and I have had brothers and sisters relate the difficulties they have getting along with their siblings.

Why is there is so much strife within a family? Families test us, they bring out the best and worst in us. As in other relationships, the family serves as a basic training ground to redress pass hurts and disappointments and if we can get pass that and only show love, then we become better people and the world becomes a better place. Families are really our spiritual practice…the milieu where we learn to become our best selves despite the challenges of ‘getting along’.

I know from personal experience that as much as my immediate family can be challenging and dysfunctional at times, there is nothing more memorable than spending quality time with them. The shared history, the loving moments, the birth of the new ones, the fights, the disappointments, the divorces, the marriages, the deaths, are all necessary and important experiences for us to learn and grow in love. I cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

The true essence of our creation is Love. Love is what rules the universe, so to be able to transcend and love the people closest to us who truly know our weaknesses and frailties, is the ultimate in unconditional love. As human we have a difficult time loving ourselves and other unconditionally. To date, I have found that a mother is generally the only person on earth, who comes closest to delivering unconditional love…the person who will continually and consistently be there to support and love her children, even the ‘most troubled'.

As we celebrate the holidays, let’s try hard to love, to see the good in all, be emphatic, be understanding and tolerant. Know that our negative actions and reactions are all coming from our wounded childhood traumas… so when Grandma says something that really makes you crazy…just pause, take a breath and smile! Happy Holidays!

IDEAS TO LIVE BY FROM THE MUSIC OF Bob Marley

A spiritual genius!

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Spirituality has nothing to do with what you believe but everything to do with your state of consciousness. Your inner spirit.

Bob Marley was a seeker who was never afraid to look within. I consider him to be a musical prophet, a spiritual genius and a timeless mystic. He left a body of work that is instructive and can help us live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Below are quotes from his music. I have taken the liberty of categorizing the messages.

Self- Awareness
Life is one big road with lots of signs.
Open your eyes and look within are you satisfied with the life you're living.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.

Positivity
If you get down and quarrel every day, you're saying prayers to the devil, I say. Why not help one another on the way… makes it much easier.
Don't worry about a thing: because every little thing is gonna be alright.
I say, you just can’t live that negative way…make way for the positive day.

Love
Can a woman's tender care seize towards the child she bears.
Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

World Peace-Oneness
Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandon…there will be WAR.
One love one heart.

Trust
Man to Man is so unjust…you don’t know who to trust! Your worst enemy can be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy.
Only your friends know your secret so only they can reveal it.

Universal Truths
In the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty.
The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.
He who fight and run away, live to fight another day.
You ain’t gonna miss your water until your well runs dry.
You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

“As a culture we're starving for some real connection; something we can grab onto and make sense of us. Few people are up to the challenge of doing the work; the real spiritual work that requires us to look inside; to look at the real motivations behind the actions we take. You want to know yourself. Look at what's motivating you.” - Geneen Roth

FATHERLY LOVE

A father’s role in creating the Space of Love
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Not much is written about a Father’s role and love in the life of a child. I consider myself very lucky I had a remarkably loving father. He was a silent, tender, giant of a man, an accountant who served in The Royal Air force in WW11. I adored my father and although he is no longer here, I think of him often and feel his presence of everlasting guidance and love.

So what do fathers need to do to free and nurture the soul of their children...creating that ‘space of love’ as my father did for me?

I recently saw the movie ‘Babies’ and there was a scene where one of the babies became over- the-top frustrated as she played with her numerous state of the art toys, none of which brought her any joy. There was another scene in the movie of a baby observing the movement of a bug in the dirt and she seemed so engaged and at peace.

I was immediately reminded of a passage I read in the book ‘The Ringing Cedar Series – The Space of Love’. ‘A bug is a more perfect mechanism than any manufactured product. Every bug is a living thing and is a part of creation and as such aids the child in becoming aware of and connected to the essence of the Universe and of himself as part of it. Artificially created objects have no such connection and do not arrange priorities and values in the child’s brain in the right way.’

Another book I recently read, ‘The Continuum Concept’ says 'babies grow best in health, happiness, intelligence, self-reliance, courage and cooperativeness when they are reared in the continuum of the human biological experience…'

So how does a 21st century father nurture the soul of his child? I am no expert but I think spending meaningful time with your child in nature and and tell them as often as you can ‘I see you’ (Sawu Bona) might be a good place to start…maybe even read the books mentioned.

A man who is free from aggression, selfishness, fear and other dark feelings emanates the Light of Love. Shine your light of love on your child. Happy Father's Day.

MOTHERLY LOVE

What is this thing called a mother’s love?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC



Several experiences this weekend lead me to reflect deeply on the meaning of motherhood. The first experience was my attendance at a Barack Obama’s initiative to serve brunch to mothers at a homeless shelter in NYC to celebrate Mother’s Day. These mothers were women from all walks of life each mentally challenged and the majority had children. The second experience was seeing two movies; ‘Babies’ and ‘Mother and Child.’

So what did I learn from those experiences? I realized that being a mother is probably one of the most difficult roles a person elects to undertake. I also realized that society does not allow us to be truthful about the awesome responsibility and difficulty of motherhood. The way it’s portrayed in the movies is an experience that is always blissful and peaceful, yet the reality is sometimes very different. I recall a friend telling me that the only way she survived the birth of her son, was to pretend that he was only going to be with her for a short time.

A mother’s love, especially in the formative years, is a selfless unselfish act and is considered the highest kind of love. Most women want kids and are happy with their newborn. Eric Fromm in ‘The Art of Loving’ describes the love of a mother as: ‘A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.' But as the child grows up and begins to separate from the mother, motherly love becomes difficult because it continues to require unselfishness, the ability to give everything and want nothing in return.

According to Fromm, ‘the real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother’s love for the small infant, but in her love for the growing child.’ He concludes that ‘a woman can be a truly loving mother only if she can love’ meaning that she is a happy person who loves herself, her family, her husband, other children, strangers and all human beings. Well said Eric!!

COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

Evolving the Corporate Machine with LOVE!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


“Businesses have become the most powerful and influential institutions on earth, rivaling any government or nation state. But public distrust of business is at an historic high; many employees and customers are disconnected from the companies they work for or buy from; suppliers feel squeezed; communities often organize to keep certain businesses out. With overworked employees and burnt-out executives, it is no surprise that there are calls for Love to have a greater place in our lives, in business and work.”

My new venture, The ACADEMi of Life (www.theacademioflife.com) hosts an event in NYC on May 12, 2010: An Evening in Conversation with Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide of Saatchi & Saatchi, a person I consider a courageous leader. He is passionate and unafraid about discussing the role of love in business and believes that the responsibility of businesses is to make the world a better place.

Roberts is truly a fearless, authentic leader who likes ideas and loves inspiration. And hates the word “but”. He’s constantly provocative and restless. He has an international reputation for an uncompromisingly positive, inspirational leadership style, and an extraordinary ability to generate ideas and emotional connections that accelerate value. Kevin is also the originator of Lovemark thinking, a methodology on how to evolve brands into a product or service that people adore. He authored the best-selling business book ‘Lovemarks’ which was published in 18 different languages.

Roberts was the keynote speaker at our annual Women Presidents Organization Conference a few years ago and over 600 women declared him as one of the best speaker we've ever had (and we've had some of the best, Malcolm Gladwell, Gary Hamel, Jim Collins etc.)

“I consider him inspiring and transformational and his message is essentially about the power of love and truly connecting with people, some of whom happen to be our customers, our employees, our suppliers our community and our shareholders. He is an experience not to be missed and you can learn more about him and his work at www.saatchikevin.com However in my opinion nothing you read can truly describe his impact.” – M. Goodfriend

Join us and experience his impact! http://bit.ly/dC2PVs


“Humans live by their emotions. That is how we make decisions and how we run our lives, whether it’s around a family dining table or a corporation’s boardroom table. The greatest emotion is Love and because business is part of life, business needs Love.” Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi & Saatchi

THE ART OF CONVERSATION

WE NEED TO TALK
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC



I recently read Catherine Blyth’s The ART of Conversation a manual on how to be a great conversationalist. I was particularly interested in this topic since our new venture The ACADEMI of Life (www.theacademioflife.com), a place where we discuss ideas to perfect our lives, offers a weekly conversation dinner event.

These dinners confirmed that attendees had no difficulty being conversationalists. In fact I learned that there was this great need to talk. And this talk needed to be face to face. I also learned how essential these conversations were to our well-being and how valuable the simple pleasure of talking to one another is. People were open, eager to spend time with each other connecting and sharing their life stories…one more intriguing than the other. The conversations were transformative and provided great insights on how we can lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

The book contains these wonderful gems:
• Good conversations can come close to heaven
• Conversation is where the raw stuff of life is spun into art
• Conversations awaken us to each other
• Conversation is good for the brain – better than a hundred pills
• Conversations can heal us
• Conversations give us humanity
• Talk less we understand each other less

I am reminded of the old French salons where conversations were most revered, where the great thinkers, writers, artists, politicians got together to share ideas to innovate, to reason and to produce best-selling books and form lifelong friendships.

I am excited about the possibilities of these dinner conversations…and remain confident that we can change the world one conversation at a time!

SELF-LOVE

Mastering the Art of Loving Self
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I recently read Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”

As I reflect on the word LOVE in the month of February, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

I LOVE BUSINESS

"Work is Love made Visible"- Kahlil Gibran
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


After seven years of working in major corporations and with over 22 years leading a company whose clients were primarily Fortune 1000, I came to realize that I and others who worked in these mammoth entities were generally unhappy, fearful and stressed.

I LOVE business and I have loved it since the age of 5 years when I opened an imaginary store and literally sold ‘dirt’ and leaves from trees, to my sisters as products. I loved it when I would go into the shop next door to my house and buy candy. I remember watching in awe as the shopkeeper Master Alan skillfully weighed the flour and sugar he sold. The scale he used was this metal device balanced on a chain that hung from the ceiling. He would put empty brown paper bags on the scale and scoop out the flour or sugar from crocus cloth bags on the floor and fill the bags. He would meticulously and gently fold the bags using consistent motions and finally the finished product – 2 lbs of sugar or flour for the customer.

I loved watching this process. I loved the notion that if you requested a product it was provided with loving care and in turn, you would pay for the service with money, given in recognition of a job well done. What I witnessed was a ‘loving exchange’ as both buyer and seller experienced happiness, joy and satisfaction during the process. Watching this was inspiring, it was awesome! Many years later I read a quote by Kahlil Gibran “work is love made visible” and realized that what Master Alan was engaged in was a loving act and what was really being exchanged between the buyer and seller was “love”.

From that experience and many others since then, I concluded that the real purpose of a business is to lovingly create products and services in exchange for love through the vehicle of money. Money was the vehicle to express love for the products received from Master Alan. What if we would extend this feeling of love and loving responses to all the constituents of a business, the employees, the customers, suppliers, investors and society and in so doing produce quiet joy and happiness for all participants. What an evolution this would be; a business always engaged in the exchange of LOVE and loving it!

Excerpt from a book I am currently writing titled “How Big Business Can Save the Lives of their People…a Guide to Authentic Leadership”