The Power of Forgiveness

Want Peace? Try Forgiveness

By: Sharon McElroy, Blogger

“The magic didn’t happen to him. The magic happened to me.”

Amazingly, these were the words of abuse-victim Ben Bosinger after letting go of years of resentment toward his father.

So what happened?

One day, fed up with pain he’d been carrying around for so long, he paid a visit to his dad. The “magic” occurred while they were looking at Ben’s motorcycle in the driveway.

“In that instant, when we both were bent down looking at that greasy engine, side by side, I forgave him,” he recalled.

He added: “It was something bigger than me that made me forgive him.”

This really resonated with me, based on what I know from a book key to my own spiritual practice -- that “the divine energy of Spirit” helps us progress and see things anew.  

Ben’s story is from a different book -- it’s just one of the many moving stories in the Book of Forgiving, recently published by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and daughter Mpho Tutu. They’re certainly qualified to discuss the subject. Besides experiencing the everyday hurts of the injustice of apartheid, they also had other struggles. He suffered from an abusive father, and she and her family experienced the devastating murder of their beloved nanny.

In humility the Tutus disclose how they have to continually learn about forgiveness, sometimes in dramatic ways. But they also make it clear that when we’ve been wronged we can use these opportunities to transform ourselves by changing how we think about others.

“No one is bad, and none among us should be defined as the sum total of our worst actions,” they said.

This is another idea I’m familiar with from my own spiritual practice, but I didn’t find it easy to carry out during a recent experience. 

I’d just sat down in a cafe next to two young guys. At first, I didn’t mind hearing their pleasant conversation, but out of the blue they started talking about women in a derogatory way. I couldn’t believe it. I thought, “How can these American, hipster guys feel it’s ok to even think like this, let alone voice it so publicly?”

I was angry about the injustice of their ideas, and three things went through my head. First, I considered saying something. Then I realized confrontation probably wouldn’t make things any better. Finally, I wondered if I could actually love and forgive them.

Led by this deeper desire, I leaned back in my chair, and a few lines from a friend’s song came to mind: “Where there is hatred, let me sew love. Where there is injury, pardon.”

This helped me quiet the reactive feelings of self-justification and get on with more solution oriented thinking. As the Tutus said, I knew I needed to see these weren’t bad people, but they’d been taken in by bad ideas. From my own practice, I knew there was a deeper, wiser point of view of who they were -- so much more to what really defines each of us than our worst actions.

“Material sense does not unfold the facts of existence; but spiritual sense lifts human consciousness into eternal Truth,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy, my favorite author on how best to connect with that “something bigger than me”.

As I yearned for this even deeper view, and contemplated the divine source of that presence of good in each of us, I felt a kind of mental and emotional shift. My anger and feelings of injustice drained and I suddenly thought: “Their sense of God must be very small, if that’s how they’re thinking.”

My heart went out to them. It occurred to me these guys had probably just been taught a different worldview than mine.

In the larger scheme of things, this was a modest spiritual awakening. But the revised view gave me a palpable sense of peace, which had seemed impossible just minutes earlier.

In their book, the Tutus refer to Dr. Fred Luskin, the Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, who has seen the effects of forgiveness on health. In an interview, Luskin said: “There are billions of people telling themselves that somebody was a real [jerk] all day long. That’s really easy for human beings to do. That’s swimming with the stream. To create peace, you need to swim against the stream sometimes, in fact, often.”

Indeed, it can be hard to “swim against the stream” of our reactions to injustice. But heading down the path of forgiveness can be as simple as knowing we each have this spiritual sense that can identify the good that’s present even where it seems far from obvious.

As we do that, we shouldn’t be surprised if we have our own Ben Bosinger moment and feel the joy of freedom that can overtake us when forgiveness takes root in our lives.

Sharon McElroy writes about health and spirituality. She practices Christian Science healing, and works in media relations. 

HoneyBees: An Experience Worth Sharing

Sitting with Gratitude
Written by Sarika Jain, AVP, Strategy and Innovation

Last night we had a beautiful Awakin sit here in Manhattan, where we shared our reflections on our daily life and on the heart-opening passage, ‘Micro Moments of Love’. Through each sit I attend, my heart fills with gratitude for the group wisdom, the buddha, that emerges through powerful reflections from the heart. This latest jewel of collective wisdom of the sangha is what I wish to share with the community today.

Bah, as described to the group, is a Japanese word that describes the energy that exists in the physical and energetic space between two people vibrating at a high frequency. It is the magical electric current of love that comes alive between two people as they share a joyful, love-filled connection. What is it, and how does it manifest in everyday life?

Self-love and self-acceptance seem to form the basis of being able to fill our hearts with the ability to share love-connections with others. As we process our positive feelings, or even difficult human emotions of anxiety, anger, stress, confusion, amongst others, are we able to observe them mindfully, to accept them as part of who we are? To empathize with and have compassion for the different parts of us, and to surrender and accept what is, helps create a sense of peace and equanimity, a sense of contentment; a place from where the heart can start flowing, like sap oozing from a tree. When we love ourselves, and engage in contemplative practices such as sending gratitude to different parts of our body, we begin to take better care of ourselves – eating better, working out, taking care of our spiritual body through meditation and yoga, amongst other examples. We begin to cherish our unique gifts and want to share these with the world, no matter what we perceive the return is, as our hearts begin to sing with love and joy.

Compassionate listening is another form of sharing love with someone - it generates the possibility of creating deeper connections and a transformation in our thinking. As we begin to lovingly listen to others, even in moments of stress and agitation, taking a few deep breaths and mindfully observing our feelings and emotions, we begin to have greater awareness for ourselves and others. We fill the space in between us with a loving, patient energy as we listen; creating a soft cushion for healing and transformation. Acceptance and forgiveness become easier to practice in this state of listening.

Loving speech, the other side of the coin of compassionate listening, leads to a deeper connection between people, and can be seen as gifts or jewels which has the effect of transforming a difficult situation, bringing love, joy and a sense of communion and understanding.

We have the opportunity to share physical love with a total stranger, even if they seem foreign or potentially threatening to us. A friend shared how her friend was sittng in a packed subway car, and a daunting person came asking for money from each passenger. This person came and squeezed himself into a tiny space right next to the friend, and put out his hand, demanding money. Instead of recoiling in frustration or fear, she took a brave step – she held his hand, looked him straight in the eyes, and with firmness and kindness, said, “I love you”.  He was shocked, and yet, he melted with love and joy, as did the others around them.

When we are feeling lonely and disconnected, no matter where we are in the world, the quickest fix is to share joyful, love-filled moments, even with total strangers. In the train, airport, grocery store, office – each moment is ripe with opportunity to make a connection with another person. Acts of kindness, sharing a gift with a new friend, or even a joke – each brief exchange of love makes each part of the day more special, exciting and meaningful.

Perhaps another form of love is that which transcends human love – it is the deep-found respect for all beings, an understanding of the sacredness in even the tiniest form of life. A friend shared how he mindfully observed two large bees that were stuck in an AC vent in his apartment - they were buzzing around, making many attempts of finding an exit for their survival. He patiently waited for over twenty minutes to help the bees out, despite his own slight fear of bees. They finally made it out with his help, and he had a private moment of rejoicing their flight to freedom.

As I sat in the room, a thought came to me - we are each honeybees, being fed and loved in these beautiful, sacred spaces such as yesterday’s sit - these hives of sweet nectar and nourishment. It is our job to go out into the world, pollinating each person, each being, with love, compassion, joy and kindness – sharing one micro-moment of love, at a time. When we share these micro-moments of love, we are making our own lives richer, longer, healthier and happier - and do the same for others, creating ripples of bah wherever we go :)

AUTHENTIC LIVING

By Marva Allen – CEO, Hue-Man Bookstore, NYC

As Sandy whipped New York and the East coast into a frenzy, I had a moment to pause. The effect of Sandy, depending on where you were, was either a day of rest or a devastating blow. My prayers go out to those whose lives were altered. I was safe, tucked away under my comforter watching Netflix. On and off as I watched the news updates I felt pride in our government and public service personnel. Yet I was saddened. It should not take a natural disaster for us to show care and solidarity to our fellow citizens.

Just the day before Hurricane Sandy my dear friend called for advise about a mean spirited correspondence she had received. I was taken aback by the evil tone of the email. Such ungracious behavior is characteristic of our increasing glib and disrespectful society. With all the noise of life in today's "modern" world, the distasteful vitriol of the Presidential elections, the ugliness of America's original sin rearing its head, the selfishness, haughtiness and insincerity of our fellow man where rudeness has outstripped graciousness, how do we navigate our lives with grace?

Must we always have a disaster to humble us and remind us that we are but a minor spec in the divine order of the universe. No technology, no political debate, no power seizing or greedy Wall Street grubbers could have done a single thing to stop Sandy. Nature is out of their influence in a call and response way. So where does all this vitriol get us?

The result of this top down lack of care for our fellowman has plummeted American productivity and competitiveness to number 25 in the world. Workers and consumers, alike, betrayed by the "system" are defecting from corporate America and taking their own destiny in hand by becoming entrepreneurs. Those 53%ers who are probably responsible for the erosion of natures balance anyway, from too much logging, too much drilling, too much mining, too much pollution and too much greed are going to have to have 'a come to Jesus moment'. Their Sandy might not be so lenient.

As ordinary citizens we have played the game badly and we have been checkmated. The blame game and occupy whatever is not the solution yet it should be a strong reminder of how we have abandoned critical thinking and logic to follow the power structure like zombies. So if my theory is right and we are co-conspirators in our own demise, it is because we are not living our authentic life.

Our authentic life, a guide to our best selves, will not allow us harm or hurt others. It is the life that recognizes that we are all one, and a life that promotes harmony, peace and understanding. The third law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed ... let Hurricane Sandy be a reminder for us to transform our energies from negative to positive.

Let us be grateful for the life we have kept for another day and live it boldly, lovingly and fearlessly. And if you have hurt someone ... let him or her know how sorry you are, forgive yourself and move on with your life with spiritual elegance.

My book of the month, “The Happiness Advantage” is a good place to start for finding happiness and contentment in your life. Your happiness will spill over to all you meet along the way…this is called authentic living.

The ONE

The Awakening of the Human Being
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Did you know that this year we will experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/1/11 and 11/11/11? And did you know that if you take the last two digits of the year you were born and add that to the age that you will be this year, you will most likely get the number 111? Is it time to remember our ONENESS?

Below, I am sharing a very deep, profound, unedited commentary from my sister Paulette called ‘The One’. She wrote this a few months ago as a contribution to a book I am writing. After re-reading this content a few days ago, I thought how appropriate it would be to share this commentary in light of the upcoming days of 11/1/11 and 11/11/11. Read it with an open mind, enjoy and take the challenge!

In the beginning there was only ONE!

The One divided itself into many so that it could experience itself in many different ways. In this part of the universe, on our planet, the beings that inhabited this planet chose to forget that there was only ONE and that each individual has a part of the ONE original beginning.

So we decided as a group to hide our original creative ability. Let’s suppose that each individual has a part of the original one and as soon as we remember our spiritual heritage then we get back to the original ONE powerful creative impulse that began the whole universe.

The universe of course has many many different planets and other realities but on this part of the universe, the place we call earth, this ball floating in space, that we call home, is the most material aspect of all of creation. We have pretty much forgotten who and what we are.

So let us remind ourselves that we are also beings floating in space on planet earth with a reality that is 70% spirit 25% mind and 5% body. Most of us are seduced primarily by the reality of what we feel, see, touch, hear and smell not realizing behind this physical reality is a higher order of things that is the only reason why we exist.

We are at a point in our evolution where each and every one of us needs to remember our home, our lineage, the place from where we came. Acknowledge this and become ONE again. It is time for each and every one of us to take responsibility to connect to our original creative, primordial energy beginnings.

How does one do this? This is not something that anyone can prove to you. This is a solo journey into the memory of yourself and the most effective way to get back to the original pattern of yourself is through stillness, meditation and quiet acknowledgement of yourself.

So we are actually made up of physical matter and energetic matter. The physical matter comes from bio chemicals…the accumulation of atoms, electrons neutrons etc. which are then built up to proteins and molecules and they form a vehicle which is inter-penetrated with this electrical magnetic energy which is spirit.

Even though we may not know and acknowledge this, it is because of this electromagnetic the spiritual aspects of ourselves that we live and breathe. So our job as human beings is to acknowledge and pay tribute to that inner electromagnetic spiritual aspect which informs the physical body.

It takes less than 1% of the collective of the people on the planet to be on the same page in order to activate the fruits of the spirit which equals peace, harmony, love, faith, hope, charity, abundance and service. All the attributes that are positive and not chaotic. Can we create an induction of the rest of the population if about 1% of the population of the planet is coherent meaning they are on the same wavelength?

Each and every one of us should challenge ourselves to be the ONE that tips the scale to experience positivity and peace and harmony on the planet.

Paulette Moulton

THE ART OF CONVERSATION

WE NEED TO TALK
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC



I recently read Catherine Blyth’s The ART of Conversation a manual on how to be a great conversationalist. I was particularly interested in this topic since our new venture The ACADEMI of Life (www.theacademioflife.com), a place where we discuss ideas to perfect our lives, offers a weekly conversation dinner event.

These dinners confirmed that attendees had no difficulty being conversationalists. In fact I learned that there was this great need to talk. And this talk needed to be face to face. I also learned how essential these conversations were to our well-being and how valuable the simple pleasure of talking to one another is. People were open, eager to spend time with each other connecting and sharing their life stories…one more intriguing than the other. The conversations were transformative and provided great insights on how we can lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

The book contains these wonderful gems:
• Good conversations can come close to heaven
• Conversation is where the raw stuff of life is spun into art
• Conversations awaken us to each other
• Conversation is good for the brain – better than a hundred pills
• Conversations can heal us
• Conversations give us humanity
• Talk less we understand each other less

I am reminded of the old French salons where conversations were most revered, where the great thinkers, writers, artists, politicians got together to share ideas to innovate, to reason and to produce best-selling books and form lifelong friendships.

I am excited about the possibilities of these dinner conversations…and remain confident that we can change the world one conversation at a time!

WORLD MEDITATION DAY

Making the world a better place, one breath at a time
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Meditation is enjoying a renewed surge of popularity, penetrating the public consciousness as never before…it’s mainstream.
So what is meditation? “Meditation is a discipline that prepares one to engage in the world with greater accuracy, flexibility, and authenticity. It is not a quick fix but a discipline that, when cultivated, can provide ongoing and powerful support for the practice of a fulfilling life.”

Meditative practices are being taken up in corporate America (Google, Apple, AOL, Saatchi & Saatchi, Raytheon, Deutche Bank, Hughes Aircraft, Target, Cargill, Aetna, Genentech, General Mills) and is being declared as a 21st century management tool. McKinsey Managing Partner Michael Rennie, an avid meditator, who has studied the beneficial effects of meditation in corporations, heads the McKinsey’s Performance Leadership Program which uses meditation practices to release the desire for authenticity, dignity and real human connection within a critical mass of individuals in a given organization. Corporations are realizing that after arranging meditation classes for their staff, they have reduced stress levels, are less irritable, more focused, more productive, happier overall and have sharpened intuition.

Meditation is also being taught at YMCAs, hospitals (a foundation run by Donna Karan, donated $850,000 to NYC’s Beth Israel Medical Center to test whether meditation and yoga can enhance the traditional medical treatments for cancer), the military, in medicine to make doctors better, at Harvard Law School to help law students become better negotiators and in public schools to reduce the stress levels of students (the goal of the David Lynch Foundation, is to bring meditation to one million schoolchildren in the classroom).

When we meditate we create stillness. Stillness is where inspiration, creativity and solutions to problems are found. The more we practice meditation we are able to move beyond our active minds and emotions and discover great depths of lasting peace, contentment and serenity…the joy of being. From this place of joy we are able to create “fields of grace” allowing our interactions with others to be more loving, compassionate, authentic and fulfilling. With time, we become better people and the world becomes a better place.

So, to bring lasting peace and love to our world, we declare 11/11/11 World Meditation Day and at 11:11 am/pm on that day for 11 minutes, our goal is to have 1.1 million people meditating to either the Joy Of Being meditation http://bit.ly/lKjcm or any other meditation of your choosing. Eleven minutes of pure bliss. Let’s begin the practice today on 11/11/09 and start to build our meditation community and we will do it again on 11/11/10 until we get to our big day: 11/11/11.

Join our meditation community and movement on Facebook at http://bit.ly/67xaqB