Family

…what does it mean?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


As the holidays approach, the conversations begin regarding the dread and duty people feel about spending time with their family. It seems as if we have been conditioned or socialized to believe that we must love and get along with our families. Life has taught me that love cannot be legislated, coerced or demanded, it has to be authentically given…even to our family.

What is this thing called family anyway? We are born and we get to meet these people called our parents; Mom & Dad…we become sons and daughters. We also get to meet the extended family, grandma and grandpa, sisters, brothers and cousins. Then later we meet the nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews. The western culture dictionary definition of family (from Latin: familiare) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity (same blood), affinity, or co-residence.

Throughout the years we discover that we have varying levels of affection for these people to whom we are connected by blood. Some we love, some we like and some we don’t care for at all. I have had friends who have confessed that they feel as if they were strangers in their own families, yet they yearn for the ‘belonginess’ of a family. I have had mothers tell me how much they dislike their kids, and I have had brothers and sisters relate the difficulties they have getting along with their siblings.

Why is there is so much strife within a family? Families test us, they bring out the best and worst in us. As in other relationships, the family serves as a basic training ground to redress pass hurts and disappointments and if we can get pass that and only show love, then we become better people and the world becomes a better place. Families are really our spiritual practice…the milieu where we learn to become our best selves despite the challenges of ‘getting along’.

I know from personal experience that as much as my immediate family can be challenging and dysfunctional at times, there is nothing more memorable than spending quality time with them. The shared history, the loving moments, the birth of the new ones, the fights, the disappointments, the divorces, the marriages, the deaths, are all necessary and important experiences for us to learn and grow in love. I cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

The true essence of our creation is Love. Love is what rules the universe, so to be able to transcend and love the people closest to us who truly know our weaknesses and frailties, is the ultimate in unconditional love. As human we have a difficult time loving ourselves and other unconditionally. To date, I have found that a mother is generally the only person on earth, who comes closest to delivering unconditional love…the person who will continually and consistently be there to support and love her children, even the ‘most troubled'.

As we celebrate the holidays, let’s try hard to love, to see the good in all, be emphatic, be understanding and tolerant. Know that our negative actions and reactions are all coming from our wounded childhood traumas… so when Grandma says something that really makes you crazy…just pause, take a breath and smile! Happy Holidays!

I LOVE BUSINESS

"Work is Love made Visible"- Kahlil Gibran
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


After seven years of working in major corporations and with over 22 years leading a company whose clients were primarily Fortune 1000, I came to realize that I and others who worked in these mammoth entities were generally unhappy, fearful and stressed.

I LOVE business and I have loved it since the age of 5 years when I opened an imaginary store and literally sold ‘dirt’ and leaves from trees, to my sisters as products. I loved it when I would go into the shop next door to my house and buy candy. I remember watching in awe as the shopkeeper Master Alan skillfully weighed the flour and sugar he sold. The scale he used was this metal device balanced on a chain that hung from the ceiling. He would put empty brown paper bags on the scale and scoop out the flour or sugar from crocus cloth bags on the floor and fill the bags. He would meticulously and gently fold the bags using consistent motions and finally the finished product – 2 lbs of sugar or flour for the customer.

I loved watching this process. I loved the notion that if you requested a product it was provided with loving care and in turn, you would pay for the service with money, given in recognition of a job well done. What I witnessed was a ‘loving exchange’ as both buyer and seller experienced happiness, joy and satisfaction during the process. Watching this was inspiring, it was awesome! Many years later I read a quote by Kahlil Gibran “work is love made visible” and realized that what Master Alan was engaged in was a loving act and what was really being exchanged between the buyer and seller was “love”.

From that experience and many others since then, I concluded that the real purpose of a business is to lovingly create products and services in exchange for love through the vehicle of money. Money was the vehicle to express love for the products received from Master Alan. What if we would extend this feeling of love and loving responses to all the constituents of a business, the employees, the customers, suppliers, investors and society and in so doing produce quiet joy and happiness for all participants. What an evolution this would be; a business always engaged in the exchange of LOVE and loving it!

Excerpt from a book I am currently writing titled “How Big Business Can Save the Lives of their People…a Guide to Authentic Leadership”