The Power of Forgiveness

Want Peace? Try Forgiveness

By: Sharon McElroy, Blogger

“The magic didn’t happen to him. The magic happened to me.”

Amazingly, these were the words of abuse-victim Ben Bosinger after letting go of years of resentment toward his father.

So what happened?

One day, fed up with pain he’d been carrying around for so long, he paid a visit to his dad. The “magic” occurred while they were looking at Ben’s motorcycle in the driveway.

“In that instant, when we both were bent down looking at that greasy engine, side by side, I forgave him,” he recalled.

He added: “It was something bigger than me that made me forgive him.”

This really resonated with me, based on what I know from a book key to my own spiritual practice -- that “the divine energy of Spirit” helps us progress and see things anew.  

Ben’s story is from a different book -- it’s just one of the many moving stories in the Book of Forgiving, recently published by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and daughter Mpho Tutu. They’re certainly qualified to discuss the subject. Besides experiencing the everyday hurts of the injustice of apartheid, they also had other struggles. He suffered from an abusive father, and she and her family experienced the devastating murder of their beloved nanny.

In humility the Tutus disclose how they have to continually learn about forgiveness, sometimes in dramatic ways. But they also make it clear that when we’ve been wronged we can use these opportunities to transform ourselves by changing how we think about others.

“No one is bad, and none among us should be defined as the sum total of our worst actions,” they said.

This is another idea I’m familiar with from my own spiritual practice, but I didn’t find it easy to carry out during a recent experience. 

I’d just sat down in a cafe next to two young guys. At first, I didn’t mind hearing their pleasant conversation, but out of the blue they started talking about women in a derogatory way. I couldn’t believe it. I thought, “How can these American, hipster guys feel it’s ok to even think like this, let alone voice it so publicly?”

I was angry about the injustice of their ideas, and three things went through my head. First, I considered saying something. Then I realized confrontation probably wouldn’t make things any better. Finally, I wondered if I could actually love and forgive them.

Led by this deeper desire, I leaned back in my chair, and a few lines from a friend’s song came to mind: “Where there is hatred, let me sew love. Where there is injury, pardon.”

This helped me quiet the reactive feelings of self-justification and get on with more solution oriented thinking. As the Tutus said, I knew I needed to see these weren’t bad people, but they’d been taken in by bad ideas. From my own practice, I knew there was a deeper, wiser point of view of who they were -- so much more to what really defines each of us than our worst actions.

“Material sense does not unfold the facts of existence; but spiritual sense lifts human consciousness into eternal Truth,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy, my favorite author on how best to connect with that “something bigger than me”.

As I yearned for this even deeper view, and contemplated the divine source of that presence of good in each of us, I felt a kind of mental and emotional shift. My anger and feelings of injustice drained and I suddenly thought: “Their sense of God must be very small, if that’s how they’re thinking.”

My heart went out to them. It occurred to me these guys had probably just been taught a different worldview than mine.

In the larger scheme of things, this was a modest spiritual awakening. But the revised view gave me a palpable sense of peace, which had seemed impossible just minutes earlier.

In their book, the Tutus refer to Dr. Fred Luskin, the Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, who has seen the effects of forgiveness on health. In an interview, Luskin said: “There are billions of people telling themselves that somebody was a real [jerk] all day long. That’s really easy for human beings to do. That’s swimming with the stream. To create peace, you need to swim against the stream sometimes, in fact, often.”

Indeed, it can be hard to “swim against the stream” of our reactions to injustice. But heading down the path of forgiveness can be as simple as knowing we each have this spiritual sense that can identify the good that’s present even where it seems far from obvious.

As we do that, we shouldn’t be surprised if we have our own Ben Bosinger moment and feel the joy of freedom that can overtake us when forgiveness takes root in our lives.

Sharon McElroy writes about health and spirituality. She practices Christian Science healing, and works in media relations. 

Life Lessons

21 Life Changing Lessons from Maya Angelou

 By: Gina Sainvil, Executive Director, MAGS Consulting Ltd. Tanzania

“I did what I knew… when I knew better, I did better” ~ Maya Angelou

1. People will never forget how you made them feel.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

“The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise.”

2. Attitude is everything.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” 

3. If you don’t change, you don’t grow. If you don’t grow, you aren’t really living.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

4. You are more than what happens to you.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.”

5. You can only love others as much as you love yourself.

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

“If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?” 

6. Life isn’t about surviving but about thriving.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

7. You should never lose your faith in LOVE.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” 

“To those who have given up on love: I say, “Trust life a little bit.”

8. Ask and you shall receive.

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” 

“Love life. Engage in it. Give it all you’ve got. Love it with a passion because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.”

9. You alone are enough.

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.”

10. Challenges are opportunities for growth.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I’ll rise!”

11. There’s a difference between merely aging and growing up.

“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”

12. True power comes from within.

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”

13. Your parents will always be your parents.

“I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.”

14. Nothing last forever. Appreciate everything while you still have it.

“There were people who went to sleep last night, poor and rich and white and black, but they will never wake again. And those dead folks would give anything at all for just five minutes of this weather or ten minutes of plowing. So you watch yourself about complaining. What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

15. You weren’t born to blend in, you were born to stand out.

“If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.”

16. Making a living is not the same as making a life.

“I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life’.”

17. Dreams won’t work unless you do.

“Nothing will work unless you do.”

18. Great things take time.

“All great achievements require time.”

19. Diversity is a beautiful thing.

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.”

20. Fear is a waste of time.

“We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives.”

21. Each of us has the power to change lives.

“Each of us, famous or infamous, is a role model for somebody, and if we aren’t, we should behave as though we are — cheerful, kind, loving, courteous. Because you can be sure someone is watching and taking deliberate and diligent notes.”

COURAGE

WHAT BARBARA IS REALLY TEACHING US - BE BRAVE

By jackieacho, May 17, 2014

Barbara Walters is using her megaphone to tell us something important.  Can we hear her?  Is she breaking through our armor of modern culture and personal regret to pierce our hearts?  Does she fully realize how important it is and why now is the right time to say it, again, with feeling?!

“I was so busy with a career. It’s the age-old problem,” Walters, 84, said in an interview that will air on the upcoming ABC News special, “Barbara Walters: Her Story.” “And, you know, on your deathbed, are you going to say, ‘I wish I spent more time in the office?’ No. You’ll say, ‘I wish I spent more time with my family,’ and I do feel that way. I wish I had spent more time with my Jackie.”  – Laura Effron via Good Morning America

Her comments are making news now, but there is nothing really new here.  The age old problem is “Sophie’s choice“:  your career (=you) or your kid.  Neither are her comments a sudden revelation in this family.  There has been plenty of struggle for both Barbara and Jackie, especially during the teenage years.

Barbara Walters has had an incredible career spanning ~56 years.  Her story as a mother reads like so many powerful women who leaned in.  Several miscarriages.  Finally got her baby (adopted in this case).  No maternity leave.  Lots of outsourcing.  Plenty of money to pay for the best.  Fame, influence, kudos, accolades, awards galore.  What are we to do with her regret?  Do we chalk it up to choice again, and congratulate ourselves that we made the right one (or worry or hope or fear or get angry…if we’re not sure).

56 years of career.
5 years of early childhood.
That’s 9% of Barbara’s career, but 100% of the critical period when so much was set in motion for Jackie’s emotional wellbeing, her parents’ identity as parents (not just moms), and their lifelong relationship.  Parents open the bank of empathy for their children in early childhood, a bank which sets them up to deposit or withdraw from others personally and professionally for the rest of their lives.

We have research out the wazoo on what children need in this critical period of 0-5 years, and so much of it comes down to something that we’ve known all along:  love, given by the people so blessed to parent a child in this world.  The inconvenient truth is that love takes time.  How much time?  Well, my toddler daughter told me (while on my knees in my closet a decade ago), “I’m okay if you’re gone a day a week; I’m not okay if you’re gone more.”  Whaaaa?!!!!!  That would surely have ended Barbara’s career.

But did it end mine?  No.  So many of us - men and women alike- have the technology we need now to work around giving children what they need in early childhood, as well as making breakfast, packing lunch, meeting young kids getting off a bus, having family dinner, or being around in case teenagers decide to talk.  Entrepreneurship was my out.  Intrapraneurship can be too, if organizations realize the value of taking it.

I’m much luckier than Barbara Walters.  I’m also luckier than Barbara Acho, who faced a choice with a baby Jackie in 1968.  She stayed home.  Were my brother and I all she needed to feel fulfilled?  No.  My mother went back to school when I was 13 and has had a flourishing career as a therapist ever since.  My mom is not a perfect mother or professional; there is no such thing.  But she was brave.  Brave enough to chart a path that was unexpected, to do her best to give her children what they needed and channel her God-given talents into trying to make the world a better place.  Don’t get me wrong.  She was scared - of failing her kids, her potential, or both.  But that is exactly why she had to be brave.

Sophie’s choice is a false dichotomy which values neither children nor women (not to mention leaving fathers out of the picture completely!).  We can be braver than that.

That is what Barbara taught me.

Happy Birthday Mom.  Love you, Jackie

MINDFULNESS

By Marva Allen, CEO Hue-Man Online Bookstore, NYC

Finding My Zen 


How is your day going? If it's anything like mine, it's 24/7/365. And my crazy schedule would try to get 25 hours out of a 24 hour day.

I once wrote a thesis on the effect of stress on the body and I am telling you it isn't pretty. Stress busters were common in the olden days. There were so many natural things that we did that took us to a place of joy; leisurely dinners with family, extended holidays, gathering with friends just because, reading a great book and pondering the meaning of life. We even had time for daydreaming. Now all those happy times it seems have to be scheduled as our lives spin out of control.

In this chaotic world most of us are lucky if we don't fall into bed comotosed before midnight. I am done with that. Since the beginning of this year I have been making a conscious effort to pause. To be in the moment and to be good to myself. I have seen too many of my contemporaries drop like flies last year and being in your fifties is not old! I also recently had a friend who was ill...the family didn't show up for three weeks because their schedule was over the top. How busy can we be?

Recently there has been a slew of books published touting something called mindfulness. It is a concept as old as time. Mindfulness didn't begin with Eckhart Tolle, it was adopted from Zen Buddhism, yet, it was Tolle who re-popularized the idea and brought the conversation to the mainstream through his books The Power of Now and The New Earth. A little thanks to the Big O!

What exactly is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the conscious act of being completely in touch with and aware of the present moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to our inner experience. Purposeful pauses, as Janice Marturano in her book Finding the Space to Lead calls it...is about giving yourself permission to stop...be in the moment and get clear about next steps. So instead of reacting to life get proactive with life. Mindfulness practices include meditation which has been proven to be absolutely good for the mind, body and spirit.

So I am going to suggest that if you want to learn more about this concept, check out Dan Harris’s book 10% Happier, or check out his book signing on April 16th in NYC. If you are in a leadership role check out Janice Marturano's Finding the Space to Lead. Find out how Success can be enhanced by reading Success Through Stillness by Russell Simmons and of course reread the Power of Now.

Now is truly all we have because tomorrow is not promised and the past has already retreated. Don't put off that vacation any longer, call a friend and have dinner just because you value them, show up for the people in your life. Mindfulness can help. Happiness can only happen when you and you alone are in charge of your life, your time and your joy. Mindfulness means NOW...it simply means that you can train your subconscious mind to give you the best life possible, because Mindfulness knows best.

  Image by: The Father of Mindfulness -- Thich Nhat Hanh

ANGEL OR DEVIL?

Living Life from the Gray area!

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I recently read an interview with filmmaker Lee Daniels in which he talked about living life from the gray area and I quote: "Even the most evil person was somebody's baby at one time. And that's where life is lived. I've never been that comfortable with black and white."

His statement resonated deeply since I have always known that we all are imperfect beings full of ‘paradox and contradiction’ capable of unspeakable acts through words and deeds. The realization and acceptance of this ‘knowing’ is very freeing. It allows me to embrace my dark and light natures. It allows me to live a more authentic and courageous life. It allows me to forgive myself and others when mistakes are made. It allows me to be less judgmental and more accepting of myself and others. It allows me to be more compassionate and kind. It allows me to be a better human being.

As the year begins, I somehow feel that the acceptance of this very simply belief is the path to sanity and a happier life. But I would be remiss if I did not remain hopeful that sometime in the future, humans will evolve to ‘beings’ who will consistently choose to act and respond based on their ‘light’ nature…I remain confident in the eventual victory of good over evil.

UNTOLD STORIES

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

I have lost so many close friends and family members in the past 22 months...including my mother, my best friend of 37 years and my college roommate. 

It made me realize that people die with so many stories untold.

I wanted to know more about my mother’s life and reasons for her not wanting to disclose the stories of her life. I forgot to ask my Mum what it was like living in England for three years without her babies! How did she manage sexual abstinence for 3 years at the young age of 27...or did she do, as others in her nursing school did, seek intimacy with other women.

I forget to ask my Dad why he enlisted in the RAF to support WWII and what the experience was like. Things I wanted to know were not shared or I did not ask.

I was discussing this issue with a friend who had recently lost her partner and she shared the poem below penned by her son.


“I was young and now I am old,

Here I sit a story untold.

Some days good and some days bad,

They passed so fast, more I wish I had.

Who will know and who will remember,

My story untold as my life nears December.

The young they dance, they sing and play,

I did that myself what seems like yesterday.

As life ends what is to come,

Is there more or is it done.

Remember me young or forget me old,

Yet here I sit a story untold.”


I was so moved by the poem, I asked my friend‘s son permission to include it in a blog post. He agreed and went on to share the reason for writing the poem.

"I wrote that poem after playing outside with my 5 yr old daughter. It made me remember being 5 years old myself (I am 37). It made me reflect on how little I really knew about my grandparents and great grandparents.... about their character and their lives before I was born. Often all we have is a handful of memories or stories that other people share about such individuals. Can you imagine your entire life being summed up for someone else in a few short stories? It made me contemplate writing "my story"...just in case my kids, grandchildren and great grandchildren (if I ever have any) would know a little more about me... not for my benefit, but for theirs or just to satisfy their curiosity.

Also, while playing with my daughter, I reflected on how it is too easy to view elderly people as nothing more than just that.... an old individual, somewhat one dimensional or seemingly disconnected from the current happenings in the world....in spite of the lives they have led, for better or worse and all that occurred for them over the years (their life "story"). It also made me reflect on how I will be just "one of those old people" someday in someone else's eyes. When such people see me as an elderly individual sitting quietly alone, will they realize I was once a 37 year old man playing on a grassy hill with my daughter, a 23 year old marrying a woman he loves, a 19 year old living life hard and fast to the fullest, a 13 year old kissing his girlfriend for the first time or a 5 year old playing on grassy hill himself fully engaged in the moment? I doubt it. All they will see is an old man...a story untold.

When I wrote that poem I wrote it outside of myself in a sense. I thought of an elderly man setting in a chair alone, in his living room or perhaps in his 10 x 15 room within a "retirement community". I thought of how many people just pass him by, not even considering all that he has been through...the ways in which he has seen the world change, the wars he may have fought, the people he loved, the children he may have loved or lost, his failure, his vices, his sin, love, sacrifice and regret. How easy it is to forget that such an individual has a "life story"...a story that for the most part, for most of us will probably go untold and be known by few people at best. I don't so much think this is tragic, but just the way life is. However, I think it is good not only for individuals to share their life story, but also for individuals to hear it.

Beyond that, I'm not sure why I wrote that poem. The poem literally took less than a few minutes to write. It just kinda came out that way given all the things I was thinking. I sent it to my Mom since she recently lost her partner”

As we prepare to spend time with our loved ones this holiday season, remember to ask about those untold stories before it’s too late, and while you are at it…write your own story. Have a joyful and peaceful holiday season.

12 Years A Slave

By Marva Allen, CEO Hue-Man Online Bookstore, NYC


12 YEARS A SLAVE AND COUNTING

Yes, I went to see the movie, 12 Years A Slave.

I will probably be the least popular person on earth right now but I hate to say this, I have seen this movie a thousand times before. And to be honest, I have liked others better, Django Unchained for example, because there was some redemption.

When I sat in that movie theater, I was hoping against hope that Steve McQueen, the director, had exercised full creative license in telling this story. I wanted him to focus on the Freed Slave and all that he had accomplished before delving into his capture into slavery. And then, I was hoping he'd come full circle and show us how this strong man rebuilt his life after experiencing the brutality of his capture. How he came to write the book, for example. I wanted that, maybe even needed that...to be taken full circle into the before and after life of Solomon Northup.

That was the story I wanted to see.

I know that story is not in the book but that's where creative license comes in. Right? Can we re-imagine and right history?

To be frank, I'm so very tired of the slave story in the way that it is always told...broken, fearful, and valueless. I know for sure, that there were triumphant slave stories to be told. Those are the stories I am interested in...the heroic acts of people in bondage. The revolution being televised.

I'm not minimizing this horrific Holocaust of African Slaves but my God how can we tell the same story for 400 years...without asking why we are still here...still fighting...still winning...still forgiving...where did that indomitable spirit come from?...where is our Schindler's list story....12 Years a Slave was not it.

I am ready to see the story of the Maroons defending themselves successfully against the British. The Peace treaty of understanding...come to the hills and you no longer exist...The Amistad revolt, the story of the ‘enough is enough’ position that so many slaves took, ready and willingly died for…the mother who jumped ship rather than bear a child into slavery...

Where is the story of their dignity and their nobility?

I want to see the story of slavery through the eyes of a conscious white man such as the one Brad Pitt played in the movie and I want to see the psychology and pathology of rabid white slave owners who believed the evil of slavery was their right. I want their madness and inhumanity expose like the flesh on the back of slaves.

I want to see the stories of the Warmth of Other Suns...I want to see the winners of this history both in black and white. I am not that interested in the story which has been told over and over again…I need a new angle...And who really lost? Everyone.

I think it is extremely important that we teach our history. It provides our off-springs the knowledge and appreciation of our collective stories and the fierce quest we raged for freedom. This is the history that must be taught: a story of strength and resilience rather than a pity story.

The survival history of people of color is a story that is as great as any story of the bible...David and Goliath, Sampson and Delilah, the Israelite's quest for salvation and deliverance from persecution. We must teach our story in that way...the way that uplifts and motivates rather than one that creates shamefulness and distortion.

The truth is, and everyone knows it, there would be no modern world economy without slaves...and those slaves came in every shade of color, East Indians, Native Indians, Aboriginal Indians, Asians, Africans, Irish, Australians, English, French and Spanish.

I truly think that this is the perfect time for a conversation about all the co-creators of the world. A global conversation that allows all parties to face the true reality of how this world economy was created. A conversation that gives rise to new stories.

I know what Slavery was for Blacks in America and the world over...heinous and evil…and in America more evil than the world had ever seen... Isn't it time to sit at the table of prosperity and simply ask for our share of the wealth we created plus interest....when are we going to make that story? When we do, I'll be in the front row, center of the theater because that will be a story within a story and I'll be interested.

HoneyBees: An Experience Worth Sharing

Sitting with Gratitude
Written by Sarika Jain, AVP, Strategy and Innovation

Last night we had a beautiful Awakin sit here in Manhattan, where we shared our reflections on our daily life and on the heart-opening passage, ‘Micro Moments of Love’. Through each sit I attend, my heart fills with gratitude for the group wisdom, the buddha, that emerges through powerful reflections from the heart. This latest jewel of collective wisdom of the sangha is what I wish to share with the community today.

Bah, as described to the group, is a Japanese word that describes the energy that exists in the physical and energetic space between two people vibrating at a high frequency. It is the magical electric current of love that comes alive between two people as they share a joyful, love-filled connection. What is it, and how does it manifest in everyday life?

Self-love and self-acceptance seem to form the basis of being able to fill our hearts with the ability to share love-connections with others. As we process our positive feelings, or even difficult human emotions of anxiety, anger, stress, confusion, amongst others, are we able to observe them mindfully, to accept them as part of who we are? To empathize with and have compassion for the different parts of us, and to surrender and accept what is, helps create a sense of peace and equanimity, a sense of contentment; a place from where the heart can start flowing, like sap oozing from a tree. When we love ourselves, and engage in contemplative practices such as sending gratitude to different parts of our body, we begin to take better care of ourselves – eating better, working out, taking care of our spiritual body through meditation and yoga, amongst other examples. We begin to cherish our unique gifts and want to share these with the world, no matter what we perceive the return is, as our hearts begin to sing with love and joy.

Compassionate listening is another form of sharing love with someone - it generates the possibility of creating deeper connections and a transformation in our thinking. As we begin to lovingly listen to others, even in moments of stress and agitation, taking a few deep breaths and mindfully observing our feelings and emotions, we begin to have greater awareness for ourselves and others. We fill the space in between us with a loving, patient energy as we listen; creating a soft cushion for healing and transformation. Acceptance and forgiveness become easier to practice in this state of listening.

Loving speech, the other side of the coin of compassionate listening, leads to a deeper connection between people, and can be seen as gifts or jewels which has the effect of transforming a difficult situation, bringing love, joy and a sense of communion and understanding.

We have the opportunity to share physical love with a total stranger, even if they seem foreign or potentially threatening to us. A friend shared how her friend was sittng in a packed subway car, and a daunting person came asking for money from each passenger. This person came and squeezed himself into a tiny space right next to the friend, and put out his hand, demanding money. Instead of recoiling in frustration or fear, she took a brave step – she held his hand, looked him straight in the eyes, and with firmness and kindness, said, “I love you”.  He was shocked, and yet, he melted with love and joy, as did the others around them.

When we are feeling lonely and disconnected, no matter where we are in the world, the quickest fix is to share joyful, love-filled moments, even with total strangers. In the train, airport, grocery store, office – each moment is ripe with opportunity to make a connection with another person. Acts of kindness, sharing a gift with a new friend, or even a joke – each brief exchange of love makes each part of the day more special, exciting and meaningful.

Perhaps another form of love is that which transcends human love – it is the deep-found respect for all beings, an understanding of the sacredness in even the tiniest form of life. A friend shared how he mindfully observed two large bees that were stuck in an AC vent in his apartment - they were buzzing around, making many attempts of finding an exit for their survival. He patiently waited for over twenty minutes to help the bees out, despite his own slight fear of bees. They finally made it out with his help, and he had a private moment of rejoicing their flight to freedom.

As I sat in the room, a thought came to me - we are each honeybees, being fed and loved in these beautiful, sacred spaces such as yesterday’s sit - these hives of sweet nectar and nourishment. It is our job to go out into the world, pollinating each person, each being, with love, compassion, joy and kindness – sharing one micro-moment of love, at a time. When we share these micro-moments of love, we are making our own lives richer, longer, healthier and happier - and do the same for others, creating ripples of bah wherever we go :)

SISTERLY LOVE

Finding Your Invincible Summer.
By Elizabeth Lesser, Co-Founder of The Omega Institute

I will be speaking on Thursday in Newtown, Connecticut. I was invited by the Sandy Hook Promise, a now-nationwide group founded by Newtown friends and neighbors to heal and to be part of a conversation about violence in America. I’ll be speaking with my friend Rev. Ed Bacon. Ed and I have hosted numerous shows together on Oprah Radio; this time we’ll be speaking and leading a conversation we’re calling “Finding Your Invincible Summer.” We chose the title from a line from Albert Camus, who said, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

As fate or synchronicity would have it, I learned recently that I am the match for my sister’s bone marrow transplant. Things are moving faster than we thought they would and the transplant will be happening soon. I am going this week for a day of pre-transplant tests to the hospital where my sister is being treated. So, the day before I speak in Newtown, I will be putting into practice ways of “finding your invincible summer” as I prepare for a journey through winter into summer with my sister.

I will be writing much more about the transplant journey in the weeks to come, but for now, I want to share with you a practice I will be leading during my talk in Newtown. You can use this practice to find within yourself strength, healing, and inner peace for dealing with any challenge you may be facing.

Sit up tall in a chair or cross-legged on the floor. Feel the strength in your backbone. When you sit with a straight back a sense of dignity is felt in the body. You can see this posture in the iconography of all of the world’s wisdom traditions: the Greek gods and goddesses; the Chinese goddess Quan Yin; Jesus on the cross, or Mary in her blue veil; the Native American chiefs and the indigenous shamans—in all of these figures, you see a similarity of strength and dignity, and at the same time, openness and softness. As you sit with a straight back, also let your chest open and your shoulders relax, so that you feel what the “great ones” felt: the sweet spot between strength and softness.

Where strength and softness meet is where we find our invincible summer. If we are too hard—if we keep ourselves too protected from the pain of life—we become brittle and can break. If we are too soft, too sensitive, we can let so much in that we are overtaken by fear and heartache, and we lose our faith, we lose our way. This is why the practice of sitting still with what the Zen tradition calls “strong back/soft front” is so helpful. We don’t have to turn to the words of others; we don’t have to belong to a religion; we don’t have to go to a workshop. We carry within our own bodies a compass that leads to the invincible summer.

I will be leaning on this practice while I donate my marrow to my sister; while I witness her struggle; while I pray for her openness to receive new cells, and her strength to withstand the treatment. I will try to offer this same kind of strength and faith to the families in Newtown. And I will feel all of you doing the same on the roads you must travel in your own lives.

MOTHERLY LOVE

What is this thing called a mother’s love?

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Several experiences this weekend lead me to reflect deeply on the meaning of motherhood. The first experience was my attendance at a Barack Obama’s initiative to serve brunch to mothers at a homeless shelter in NYC to celebrate Mother’s Day. These mothers were women from all walks of life each mentally challenged and the majority had children. The second experience was seeing two movies; ‘Babies’ and ‘Mother and Child.’

So what did I learn from those experiences? I realized that being a mother is probably one of the most difficult roles a person elects to undertake. I also realized that society does not allow us to be truthful about the awesome responsibility and difficulty of motherhood. The way it’s portrayed in the movies is an experience that is always blissful and peaceful, yet the reality is sometimes very different. I recall a friend telling me that the only way she survived the birth of her son, was to pretend that he was only going to be with her for a short time.

A mother’s love, especially in the formative years, is a selfless unselfish act and is considered the highest kind of love. Most women want kids and are happy with their newborn. Eric Fromm in ‘The Art of Loving’ describes the love of a mother as: ‘A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.' But as the child grows up and begins to separate from the mother, motherly love becomes difficult because it continues to require unselfishness, the ability to give everything and want nothing in return.

According to Fromm, ‘the real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother’s love for the small infant, but in her love for the growing child.’ He concludes that ‘a woman can be a truly loving mother only if she can love’ meaning that she is a happy person who loves herself, her family, her husband, other children, strangers and all human beings. Well said Eric!!

TEACHING OUR KIDS COMPASSION

Written by Michal Berg (Spiritualityforkids.org)

In prior post, I’ve mentioned that my parents divorced when I was eight years old, and after that my mom started searching out everything in Israel that had anything to do with spirituality: meditation, different temples, different methods, everything. And she took me with her. So I was exposed to spirituality from a very young age.

That experience made me aware of how important it is for us, as parents, to actually open the door to spirituality for our children. I remember how I felt as a teenager, when I found the Kabbalah Centre and met other young people who actually talked about more than just clothes, or what party they went to last week. It was very comforting, and it gave me inner strength.

We always say that the future is in the hands of our kids, but the only way our kids are going to grow up to be adults capable of making a difference is if they are equipped with the right tools and the right consciousness. This is why it’s so important to start with kids when they’re young; when they’re especially open to new ways of seeing things. Because the soul is constantly evolving, souls coming down into the world in this generation are probably higher and more elevated than we are. We want to work with them as early as possible, before their Light begins to get covered over.

Today I’d like to focus on compassion. This isn’t easy to teach, but as always the very best approach is to model compassionate behavior in our own lives - especially when it comes to dealing with our own kids and their limitations. Even if my kid is challenged to act in ways that annoy me, and I’d like him to change, I can still show compassion, which means I can feel his pain. I can understand where he’s coming from. I can understand that I might not have this challenge, but he does.

I’ll give you a mundane example. One of my sons is really messy—he eats in a messy way, and he always get his clothes dirty—whereas I’m a very neat person. Few things are more annoying for a neat person than to have a messy child, right? But that’s what I have. That’s just the way some kids are. It’s in the DNA. I’ve found that neatness isn’t something you can teach; you can try, but if you have high standards you’ll be fighting that battle forever.

So I’ve learned something here--to have compassion when my kids don’t have the same skills that I do. They don’t see socks on the floor. They really don’t. One gift of having many kids is how clear it becomes that they’re not just reflections of you. Kids are born into this world with their own personalities, their own strengths and weaknesses, and their own potential to do great things. Everyone benefits when you can feel compassion for those more difficult qualities, that would otherwise be annoying.

Another good way to teach kids compassion is by showing it to people outside our family. If my friend is in trouble, and the kids hear me talking to another friend about why the first friend is such a drama queen, that’s not helpful modeling. They’d be much better off hearing you on the phone with a friend saying, “I feel for her. She’s in a difficult situation, and I’m talking with her to find out how I can help. Even if I can’t help in any practical way, I can sit with her in her unhappiness, and help her bear that pain.”

There’s no better way to teach compassion than to be compassionate ourselves. As Karen Berg likes to say, “It takes work to understand a person deeply, but there are great rewards awaiting you if you are willing to become a compassionate and understanding person.”

LIFE LESSONS FROM THE LANCE ARMSTRONG SAGA

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The Academi of Life, NYC

Being Human is Not Enough

As I watched the recent Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah Winfrey, I suddenly realized that I was looking at a person void of emotions, empathy and compassion. A person who had strayed so far from his true nature, his being, his spiritual and emotional self, he was unrecognizable. The man had become a machine.

How does a Human Being get to that place? I think most of us don’t realize that we are called Human Being for a reason. Human + Being = A Whole Person. So many of us live our lives and our values as a Human only.

Being Human means to achieve and acquire. While there is nothing wrong with achieving and acquiring, our focus on developing only the human aspects of our nature results in us becoming machine-like, devoid of any emotions.

Our Being nature cannot be ignored. It is our spiritual, emotional, compassionate and empathetic side, which has to be developed and incorporated in our lives. Without which we truly cannot successfully execute this life. Self-Mastery is finding the balance between Human and Being … and Self-Mastery = Happiness.

Being Human is never enough. It’s not enough to make us truly content and happy in our lives. A happy life belongs to the person who achieves the correct balance between Human + Being…a true Human Being. Clearly Lance Armstrong has a lot of work to do.

AUTHENTIC LIVING

By Marva Allen – CEO, Hue-Man Bookstore, NYC

As Sandy whipped New York and the East coast into a frenzy, I had a moment to pause. The effect of Sandy, depending on where you were, was either a day of rest or a devastating blow. My prayers go out to those whose lives were altered. I was safe, tucked away under my comforter watching Netflix. On and off as I watched the news updates I felt pride in our government and public service personnel. Yet I was saddened. It should not take a natural disaster for us to show care and solidarity to our fellow citizens.

Just the day before Hurricane Sandy my dear friend called for advise about a mean spirited correspondence she had received. I was taken aback by the evil tone of the email. Such ungracious behavior is characteristic of our increasing glib and disrespectful society. With all the noise of life in today's "modern" world, the distasteful vitriol of the Presidential elections, the ugliness of America's original sin rearing its head, the selfishness, haughtiness and insincerity of our fellow man where rudeness has outstripped graciousness, how do we navigate our lives with grace?

Must we always have a disaster to humble us and remind us that we are but a minor spec in the divine order of the universe. No technology, no political debate, no power seizing or greedy Wall Street grubbers could have done a single thing to stop Sandy. Nature is out of their influence in a call and response way. So where does all this vitriol get us?

The result of this top down lack of care for our fellowman has plummeted American productivity and competitiveness to number 25 in the world. Workers and consumers, alike, betrayed by the "system" are defecting from corporate America and taking their own destiny in hand by becoming entrepreneurs. Those 53%ers who are probably responsible for the erosion of natures balance anyway, from too much logging, too much drilling, too much mining, too much pollution and too much greed are going to have to have 'a come to Jesus moment'. Their Sandy might not be so lenient.

As ordinary citizens we have played the game badly and we have been checkmated. The blame game and occupy whatever is not the solution yet it should be a strong reminder of how we have abandoned critical thinking and logic to follow the power structure like zombies. So if my theory is right and we are co-conspirators in our own demise, it is because we are not living our authentic life.

Our authentic life, a guide to our best selves, will not allow us harm or hurt others. It is the life that recognizes that we are all one, and a life that promotes harmony, peace and understanding. The third law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed ... let Hurricane Sandy be a reminder for us to transform our energies from negative to positive.

Let us be grateful for the life we have kept for another day and live it boldly, lovingly and fearlessly. And if you have hurt someone ... let him or her know how sorry you are, forgive yourself and move on with your life with spiritual elegance.

My book of the month, “The Happiness Advantage” is a good place to start for finding happiness and contentment in your life. Your happiness will spill over to all you meet along the way…this is called authentic living.

The Empathy Paradox: Mastering Empathy for Others Begins With Knowing Yourself

Tahoe is my place for self-reflection – where is yours?

By Michael Zakaras
Michael is a writer and strategist who specializes in social entrepreneurship and public policy and works with ASHOKA.


I recently returned from a week at Lake Tahoe, where I’ve spent a piece of every summer with my family since I was five years old. My uncle has a cabin on the lake, and it’s unlike any other house I know because I exist there not only in the present but also in the past.

When I'm there, I feel the younger versions of myself accompanying me. On my first dive off the rock, they dive with me, filled with fear and joy and anticipation. I surface in the same bone-chilling water. My brother surfaces beside me. My parents look down from the deck, watching as always. The words permanence and continuity are abstractions. But there, at Tahoe, they come to life.



Tahoe is where I slow down, where I don’t chase things but let them come to me, and where I’ve developed values and ways of being that I have brought back to the rest of my life. It’s where I learned to be fulfilled by living simply: there has never been a TV at the house, and there are no tight schedules or fixed plans. Each part of the day simply eases into the next. We swim and hike and canoe, but most of our hours are filled with communal cooking, leisurely family meals, reading, and storytelling. And there’s an abundance of open time: for listening, for watching, for reflection. I’ll often bring a book and sit between two pines at the water’s edge only to never open it.
In this way, each summer gives me a chance to pull back from my immersion into the everyday world of school or work—of constant activities—and to ask myself what's been really good and what hasn't, and what should be changed. In recent years especially, as a young adult, I've gained a great deal of understanding from these times of quiet reflection. Tahoe serves as a retreat from which I return renewed and replenished for the rest of the year.

In the end, my uncle’s house is the place where I know myself best. My summers there have helped me look at my life as a whole picture. I take on different roles in the world, but I'm always a son and brother in our family. And more recently, a husband. I can put my latest successes and disappointments into a long-term perspective. I can see how much I've changed with every summer, and I can see how much, for better or worse, I've remained the same.


Empathy is ultimately other-regarding, but I’m convinced that mastering it begins with understanding yourself – your emotions, your desires, your flaws. And for me, it includes understanding how lucky I am to have Tahoe in the first place. In this way, empathy is hard: it takes awareness and perspective. It takes space. But in our world of relentless demands and distractions, it’s far easier to become self-absorbed than self-aware. Which is why it’s essential that we create this space for ourselves – in big ways and small – so that we can use our understanding of ourselves to better understand and serve others.

Enlightened Leadership – A New Way To Lead In The 21st Century

By Shirley Moulton, Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

The current volatile, uncertain, chaotic and ambiguous (VUCA) world requires a new type of leader and a new type of employee. It requires enlightened beings. Enlightened beings are ones who are wise, compassionate and empathetic and can thrive in a constantly changing world.

The ACADEMi of Life has a vision of Companies lead by Compassionate Empathetic Officers, with employees who are wise, compassionate and empathetic. These organizations will be “too GOOD to fail.” Our contribution to the vision is that we will introduce a new corporate experiential program aimed at increasing positivity and well-being at work.

Why we will provide the Program

We know that:
• Individual happiness and organizational success are inextricably linked.
• After analyzing more than 450,000 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index (GHWBI), responses, two top scientists at Princeton University determined that happiness is actually the result of the fulfillment of two abstract psychological states -- emotional wellbeing and life evaluation.
•73% of Americans describe themselves as not engaged or actively disengaged at work when questioned in a Gallup Poll about how happiness and well-being affect their job performance.
• A recent Harvard study shows that only 25% of a person’s job success is predicted based upon their general intelligence and technical skills
• The other 75% of a person’s job success is based on their emotional intelligence and well-being, demonstrated in traits (soft-skills) such as: resilience, equanimity, ability to make social connection and build trusting relationships, ability to inspire and understand people, ability to recognize and correct shortcomings, compassion, optimism and empathy.
• A 2012 IBM CEO study conducted with 1,700 CEO’s in 64 countries confirms the Harvard findings. It reveals that the CEO’s consistently highlighted four personal characteristics or traits (soft-skills) most critical for employees’ future success: collaboration, communication, flexibility and creativity. These CEO’s are looking for ‘Future Proof Employees,’ ones with the above traits who can thrive in our connected and constantly changing world.
• Other studies have shown that emotional competencies are twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect or expertise.

More details of our program will be released in Fall of 2012. Tell us what you think!