MINDFULNESS

By Marva Allen, CEO Hue-Man Online Bookstore, NYC

Finding My Zen 


How is your day going? If it's anything like mine, it's 24/7/365. And my crazy schedule would try to get 25 hours out of a 24 hour day.

I once wrote a thesis on the effect of stress on the body and I am telling you it isn't pretty. Stress busters were common in the olden days. There were so many natural things that we did that took us to a place of joy; leisurely dinners with family, extended holidays, gathering with friends just because, reading a great book and pondering the meaning of life. We even had time for daydreaming. Now all those happy times it seems have to be scheduled as our lives spin out of control.

In this chaotic world most of us are lucky if we don't fall into bed comotosed before midnight. I am done with that. Since the beginning of this year I have been making a conscious effort to pause. To be in the moment and to be good to myself. I have seen too many of my contemporaries drop like flies last year and being in your fifties is not old! I also recently had a friend who was ill...the family didn't show up for three weeks because their schedule was over the top. How busy can we be?

Recently there has been a slew of books published touting something called mindfulness. It is a concept as old as time. Mindfulness didn't begin with Eckhart Tolle, it was adopted from Zen Buddhism, yet, it was Tolle who re-popularized the idea and brought the conversation to the mainstream through his books The Power of Now and The New Earth. A little thanks to the Big O!

What exactly is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the conscious act of being completely in touch with and aware of the present moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to our inner experience. Purposeful pauses, as Janice Marturano in her book Finding the Space to Lead calls it...is about giving yourself permission to stop...be in the moment and get clear about next steps. So instead of reacting to life get proactive with life. Mindfulness practices include meditation which has been proven to be absolutely good for the mind, body and spirit.

So I am going to suggest that if you want to learn more about this concept, check out Dan Harris’s book 10% Happier, or check out his book signing on April 16th in NYC. If you are in a leadership role check out Janice Marturano's Finding the Space to Lead. Find out how Success can be enhanced by reading Success Through Stillness by Russell Simmons and of course reread the Power of Now.

Now is truly all we have because tomorrow is not promised and the past has already retreated. Don't put off that vacation any longer, call a friend and have dinner just because you value them, show up for the people in your life. Mindfulness can help. Happiness can only happen when you and you alone are in charge of your life, your time and your joy. Mindfulness means NOW...it simply means that you can train your subconscious mind to give you the best life possible, because Mindfulness knows best.

  Image by: The Father of Mindfulness -- Thich Nhat Hanh

AUTHENTIC LIVING

By Marva Allen – CEO, Hue-Man Bookstore, NYC

As Sandy whipped New York and the East coast into a frenzy, I had a moment to pause. The effect of Sandy, depending on where you were, was either a day of rest or a devastating blow. My prayers go out to those whose lives were altered. I was safe, tucked away under my comforter watching Netflix. On and off as I watched the news updates I felt pride in our government and public service personnel. Yet I was saddened. It should not take a natural disaster for us to show care and solidarity to our fellow citizens.

Just the day before Hurricane Sandy my dear friend called for advise about a mean spirited correspondence she had received. I was taken aback by the evil tone of the email. Such ungracious behavior is characteristic of our increasing glib and disrespectful society. With all the noise of life in today's "modern" world, the distasteful vitriol of the Presidential elections, the ugliness of America's original sin rearing its head, the selfishness, haughtiness and insincerity of our fellow man where rudeness has outstripped graciousness, how do we navigate our lives with grace?

Must we always have a disaster to humble us and remind us that we are but a minor spec in the divine order of the universe. No technology, no political debate, no power seizing or greedy Wall Street grubbers could have done a single thing to stop Sandy. Nature is out of their influence in a call and response way. So where does all this vitriol get us?

The result of this top down lack of care for our fellowman has plummeted American productivity and competitiveness to number 25 in the world. Workers and consumers, alike, betrayed by the "system" are defecting from corporate America and taking their own destiny in hand by becoming entrepreneurs. Those 53%ers who are probably responsible for the erosion of natures balance anyway, from too much logging, too much drilling, too much mining, too much pollution and too much greed are going to have to have 'a come to Jesus moment'. Their Sandy might not be so lenient.

As ordinary citizens we have played the game badly and we have been checkmated. The blame game and occupy whatever is not the solution yet it should be a strong reminder of how we have abandoned critical thinking and logic to follow the power structure like zombies. So if my theory is right and we are co-conspirators in our own demise, it is because we are not living our authentic life.

Our authentic life, a guide to our best selves, will not allow us harm or hurt others. It is the life that recognizes that we are all one, and a life that promotes harmony, peace and understanding. The third law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed ... let Hurricane Sandy be a reminder for us to transform our energies from negative to positive.

Let us be grateful for the life we have kept for another day and live it boldly, lovingly and fearlessly. And if you have hurt someone ... let him or her know how sorry you are, forgive yourself and move on with your life with spiritual elegance.

My book of the month, “The Happiness Advantage” is a good place to start for finding happiness and contentment in your life. Your happiness will spill over to all you meet along the way…this is called authentic living.

The Empathy Paradox: Mastering Empathy for Others Begins With Knowing Yourself

Tahoe is my place for self-reflection – where is yours?

By Michael Zakaras
Michael is a writer and strategist who specializes in social entrepreneurship and public policy and works with ASHOKA.


I recently returned from a week at Lake Tahoe, where I’ve spent a piece of every summer with my family since I was five years old. My uncle has a cabin on the lake, and it’s unlike any other house I know because I exist there not only in the present but also in the past.

When I'm there, I feel the younger versions of myself accompanying me. On my first dive off the rock, they dive with me, filled with fear and joy and anticipation. I surface in the same bone-chilling water. My brother surfaces beside me. My parents look down from the deck, watching as always. The words permanence and continuity are abstractions. But there, at Tahoe, they come to life.



Tahoe is where I slow down, where I don’t chase things but let them come to me, and where I’ve developed values and ways of being that I have brought back to the rest of my life. It’s where I learned to be fulfilled by living simply: there has never been a TV at the house, and there are no tight schedules or fixed plans. Each part of the day simply eases into the next. We swim and hike and canoe, but most of our hours are filled with communal cooking, leisurely family meals, reading, and storytelling. And there’s an abundance of open time: for listening, for watching, for reflection. I’ll often bring a book and sit between two pines at the water’s edge only to never open it.
In this way, each summer gives me a chance to pull back from my immersion into the everyday world of school or work—of constant activities—and to ask myself what's been really good and what hasn't, and what should be changed. In recent years especially, as a young adult, I've gained a great deal of understanding from these times of quiet reflection. Tahoe serves as a retreat from which I return renewed and replenished for the rest of the year.

In the end, my uncle’s house is the place where I know myself best. My summers there have helped me look at my life as a whole picture. I take on different roles in the world, but I'm always a son and brother in our family. And more recently, a husband. I can put my latest successes and disappointments into a long-term perspective. I can see how much I've changed with every summer, and I can see how much, for better or worse, I've remained the same.


Empathy is ultimately other-regarding, but I’m convinced that mastering it begins with understanding yourself – your emotions, your desires, your flaws. And for me, it includes understanding how lucky I am to have Tahoe in the first place. In this way, empathy is hard: it takes awareness and perspective. It takes space. But in our world of relentless demands and distractions, it’s far easier to become self-absorbed than self-aware. Which is why it’s essential that we create this space for ourselves – in big ways and small – so that we can use our understanding of ourselves to better understand and serve others.

Getting To Happy

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

I believe that people should be happy, and have the right to be happy. Happiness is an essential ingredient to our success.

A recent Harvard study http://bit.ly/pxylJk concluded that happiness is the single greatest competitive advantage in the 21st century. They suggest that if you are happy first success will follow. In other words, success does not make you happy but happiness makes you successful.

But do we really know what makes us happy?

Many of us spend most of our lives developing and valuing our first class education, our high powered career and our ability to collect material things. As a society this has become how we measure and define success. But do these achievements really make us happy? Everyone knows people who are brilliant yet unhappy or financially successful and unhappy. I know from my own life that a first class education, owning my own business and acquiring lots of material things did not bring me the fulfillment and joy that I thought they would.

The same Harvard study estimated that having a good education and great technical skills contribute only 25% of our success at work and in life. To be successful in work and life, there are other character traits that we must possess. So what are these traits? They include optimism, emotional resilience, empathy, the ability to make social connections and viewing stress as a challenge instead of as a threat. The study calls these traits the “silent 75%.” The “silent 75%.” are generally viewed as ‘soft skills’ and their long term importance to our happiness is routinely undervalued.

The study, however, concludes that long-term success at work and in life “is based upon our ability to positively adapt to the world”; to be happy, joyful and optimistic, since we are more likely to achieve our full potential when we are feeling positive. As a culture we need to focus on these ‘soft skills’- the silent 75% – and all of us should seek to build and strengthen these traits within us in order to be more joyful human beings. To be truly happy and therefore successful requires the right balance between our rational and emotional skills.

Despite achieving in my education and career I had a realization that I simply wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be. My joy was limited despite the material abundance around me and my successes didn’t fulfill me the way I had expected. I began to make a very conscious effort to focus on doing things that fed my spirit. I decided to focus on the things that brought me more happiness and joy – like making sure I have dinner with a friend at least once a week, connecting daily with family members by phone or in person and doing work that is meaningful and engaging.

I believe that happiness is found deep within, that it comes from our soul and not from external things. So take a peek inside and find your joy. The journey of self-discovery can be very personal and private and each person has to determine what truly makes them happy. But take comfort in knowing that this is important and essential work to ‘get to happy.’

Below are eleven happiness boosters outlined by Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage. Try them out and see how you feel:

1. Smile
2. Open doors
3. Offer a seat at your table in a busy cafe
4. Make eye contact
5. Start a conversation with someone who looks lonely
6. Listen
7. Have deep meaningful conversations
8. Give money to beggars without conditions attached
9. Try and put a positive spin on a bad situation
10. Meditate so you are calmer for your family
11. Volunteer for someone who really needs it

I know many of these have worked for me! Which of these work best for you?

Original post written for Joy Campaign August 2011.

HAPPINESS

Why happiness matters!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


‘The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.’ Everyone wants to be happy, yet many are not.

I recently read about an organization called Action for Happiness whose mission is to bring happiness to the world. It’s really a ‘movement for positive social change bringing together people from all walks of life who want to play a part in creating a happier society for everyone.’

I was completely taken with its mission as it’s so closely aligned with the purpose of The ACADEMi of Life; so I joined the movement. Once you join the movement, the ten keys to happiness (GREAT DREAM) below are shared. You will also get a set of personal aspirations for life.

TEN KEYS TO A HAPPIER LIFE

Giving - Do things for others
Relating - Connect with people
Exercising - Take care of your body
Appreciating - Notice the world around
Trying out - Keep learning new things

D irection - Have goals to look forward to
Resilience - Find ways to bounce back
E motion - Take a positive approach
A cceptance - Be comfortable with who you are
M eaning - Be part of something bigger

On their site (www.actionforhappiness.org) I found an iPhone app called mappiness, used to track your happiness. It is a part of a research project at the London School of Economics. I downloaded the app and use it to track and submit my happiness data on a daily basis.

I am thrilled and excited that this organization exists to serve as the focal point for a fundamental shift in cultural values. We need social enterprises like Action for Happiness and The ACADEMi of Life to bring together groups of like-minded people who will commit themselves to try to produce more happiness in the world and less misery. I remain confident that we can create a society in which people feel better inside themselves – where they are happier.

Dalai Lama: "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."