AUTHENTIC LIVING

By Marva Allen – CEO, Hue-Man Bookstore, NYC

As Sandy whipped New York and the East coast into a frenzy, I had a moment to pause. The effect of Sandy, depending on where you were, was either a day of rest or a devastating blow. My prayers go out to those whose lives were altered. I was safe, tucked away under my comforter watching Netflix. On and off as I watched the news updates I felt pride in our government and public service personnel. Yet I was saddened. It should not take a natural disaster for us to show care and solidarity to our fellow citizens.

Just the day before Hurricane Sandy my dear friend called for advise about a mean spirited correspondence she had received. I was taken aback by the evil tone of the email. Such ungracious behavior is characteristic of our increasing glib and disrespectful society. With all the noise of life in today's "modern" world, the distasteful vitriol of the Presidential elections, the ugliness of America's original sin rearing its head, the selfishness, haughtiness and insincerity of our fellow man where rudeness has outstripped graciousness, how do we navigate our lives with grace?

Must we always have a disaster to humble us and remind us that we are but a minor spec in the divine order of the universe. No technology, no political debate, no power seizing or greedy Wall Street grubbers could have done a single thing to stop Sandy. Nature is out of their influence in a call and response way. So where does all this vitriol get us?

The result of this top down lack of care for our fellowman has plummeted American productivity and competitiveness to number 25 in the world. Workers and consumers, alike, betrayed by the "system" are defecting from corporate America and taking their own destiny in hand by becoming entrepreneurs. Those 53%ers who are probably responsible for the erosion of natures balance anyway, from too much logging, too much drilling, too much mining, too much pollution and too much greed are going to have to have 'a come to Jesus moment'. Their Sandy might not be so lenient.

As ordinary citizens we have played the game badly and we have been checkmated. The blame game and occupy whatever is not the solution yet it should be a strong reminder of how we have abandoned critical thinking and logic to follow the power structure like zombies. So if my theory is right and we are co-conspirators in our own demise, it is because we are not living our authentic life.

Our authentic life, a guide to our best selves, will not allow us harm or hurt others. It is the life that recognizes that we are all one, and a life that promotes harmony, peace and understanding. The third law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed ... let Hurricane Sandy be a reminder for us to transform our energies from negative to positive.

Let us be grateful for the life we have kept for another day and live it boldly, lovingly and fearlessly. And if you have hurt someone ... let him or her know how sorry you are, forgive yourself and move on with your life with spiritual elegance.

My book of the month, “The Happiness Advantage” is a good place to start for finding happiness and contentment in your life. Your happiness will spill over to all you meet along the way…this is called authentic living.

The Empathy Paradox: Mastering Empathy for Others Begins With Knowing Yourself

Tahoe is my place for self-reflection – where is yours?

By Michael Zakaras
Michael is a writer and strategist who specializes in social entrepreneurship and public policy and works with ASHOKA.


I recently returned from a week at Lake Tahoe, where I’ve spent a piece of every summer with my family since I was five years old. My uncle has a cabin on the lake, and it’s unlike any other house I know because I exist there not only in the present but also in the past.

When I'm there, I feel the younger versions of myself accompanying me. On my first dive off the rock, they dive with me, filled with fear and joy and anticipation. I surface in the same bone-chilling water. My brother surfaces beside me. My parents look down from the deck, watching as always. The words permanence and continuity are abstractions. But there, at Tahoe, they come to life.



Tahoe is where I slow down, where I don’t chase things but let them come to me, and where I’ve developed values and ways of being that I have brought back to the rest of my life. It’s where I learned to be fulfilled by living simply: there has never been a TV at the house, and there are no tight schedules or fixed plans. Each part of the day simply eases into the next. We swim and hike and canoe, but most of our hours are filled with communal cooking, leisurely family meals, reading, and storytelling. And there’s an abundance of open time: for listening, for watching, for reflection. I’ll often bring a book and sit between two pines at the water’s edge only to never open it.
In this way, each summer gives me a chance to pull back from my immersion into the everyday world of school or work—of constant activities—and to ask myself what's been really good and what hasn't, and what should be changed. In recent years especially, as a young adult, I've gained a great deal of understanding from these times of quiet reflection. Tahoe serves as a retreat from which I return renewed and replenished for the rest of the year.

In the end, my uncle’s house is the place where I know myself best. My summers there have helped me look at my life as a whole picture. I take on different roles in the world, but I'm always a son and brother in our family. And more recently, a husband. I can put my latest successes and disappointments into a long-term perspective. I can see how much I've changed with every summer, and I can see how much, for better or worse, I've remained the same.


Empathy is ultimately other-regarding, but I’m convinced that mastering it begins with understanding yourself – your emotions, your desires, your flaws. And for me, it includes understanding how lucky I am to have Tahoe in the first place. In this way, empathy is hard: it takes awareness and perspective. It takes space. But in our world of relentless demands and distractions, it’s far easier to become self-absorbed than self-aware. Which is why it’s essential that we create this space for ourselves – in big ways and small – so that we can use our understanding of ourselves to better understand and serve others.

Enlightened Leadership – A New Way To Lead In The 21st Century

By Shirley Moulton, Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

The current volatile, uncertain, chaotic and ambiguous (VUCA) world requires a new type of leader and a new type of employee. It requires enlightened beings. Enlightened beings are ones who are wise, compassionate and empathetic and can thrive in a constantly changing world.

The ACADEMi of Life has a vision of Companies lead by Compassionate Empathetic Officers, with employees who are wise, compassionate and empathetic. These organizations will be “too GOOD to fail.” Our contribution to the vision is that we will introduce a new corporate experiential program aimed at increasing positivity and well-being at work.

Why we will provide the Program

We know that:
• Individual happiness and organizational success are inextricably linked.
• After analyzing more than 450,000 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index (GHWBI), responses, two top scientists at Princeton University determined that happiness is actually the result of the fulfillment of two abstract psychological states -- emotional wellbeing and life evaluation.
•73% of Americans describe themselves as not engaged or actively disengaged at work when questioned in a Gallup Poll about how happiness and well-being affect their job performance.
• A recent Harvard study shows that only 25% of a person’s job success is predicted based upon their general intelligence and technical skills
• The other 75% of a person’s job success is based on their emotional intelligence and well-being, demonstrated in traits (soft-skills) such as: resilience, equanimity, ability to make social connection and build trusting relationships, ability to inspire and understand people, ability to recognize and correct shortcomings, compassion, optimism and empathy.
• A 2012 IBM CEO study conducted with 1,700 CEO’s in 64 countries confirms the Harvard findings. It reveals that the CEO’s consistently highlighted four personal characteristics or traits (soft-skills) most critical for employees’ future success: collaboration, communication, flexibility and creativity. These CEO’s are looking for ‘Future Proof Employees,’ ones with the above traits who can thrive in our connected and constantly changing world.
• Other studies have shown that emotional competencies are twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect or expertise.

More details of our program will be released in Fall of 2012. Tell us what you think!

SELF LOVE:The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, is a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”As I reflect on the word LOVE on this Valentine's Day, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

Are You Living A Life With No Regrets?

As we grow older, it's not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do.

This article was written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who cared for numerous end of life patients. She learned overtime that they shared common regrets which could be summarized in 5 basic themes:

The Top 5 Regrets

1. "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."


Thank you Bronnie Ware for sharing these powerful and wise insights!

The ONE

The Awakening of the Human Being
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Did you know that this year we will experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/1/11 and 11/11/11? And did you know that if you take the last two digits of the year you were born and add that to the age that you will be this year, you will most likely get the number 111? Is it time to remember our ONENESS?

Below, I am sharing a very deep, profound, unedited commentary from my sister Paulette called ‘The One’. She wrote this a few months ago as a contribution to a book I am writing. After re-reading this content a few days ago, I thought how appropriate it would be to share this commentary in light of the upcoming days of 11/1/11 and 11/11/11. Read it with an open mind, enjoy and take the challenge!

In the beginning there was only ONE!

The One divided itself into many so that it could experience itself in many different ways. In this part of the universe, on our planet, the beings that inhabited this planet chose to forget that there was only ONE and that each individual has a part of the ONE original beginning.

So we decided as a group to hide our original creative ability. Let’s suppose that each individual has a part of the original one and as soon as we remember our spiritual heritage then we get back to the original ONE powerful creative impulse that began the whole universe.

The universe of course has many many different planets and other realities but on this part of the universe, the place we call earth, this ball floating in space, that we call home, is the most material aspect of all of creation. We have pretty much forgotten who and what we are.

So let us remind ourselves that we are also beings floating in space on planet earth with a reality that is 70% spirit 25% mind and 5% body. Most of us are seduced primarily by the reality of what we feel, see, touch, hear and smell not realizing behind this physical reality is a higher order of things that is the only reason why we exist.

We are at a point in our evolution where each and every one of us needs to remember our home, our lineage, the place from where we came. Acknowledge this and become ONE again. It is time for each and every one of us to take responsibility to connect to our original creative, primordial energy beginnings.

How does one do this? This is not something that anyone can prove to you. This is a solo journey into the memory of yourself and the most effective way to get back to the original pattern of yourself is through stillness, meditation and quiet acknowledgement of yourself.

So we are actually made up of physical matter and energetic matter. The physical matter comes from bio chemicals…the accumulation of atoms, electrons neutrons etc. which are then built up to proteins and molecules and they form a vehicle which is inter-penetrated with this electrical magnetic energy which is spirit.

Even though we may not know and acknowledge this, it is because of this electromagnetic the spiritual aspects of ourselves that we live and breathe. So our job as human beings is to acknowledge and pay tribute to that inner electromagnetic spiritual aspect which informs the physical body.

It takes less than 1% of the collective of the people on the planet to be on the same page in order to activate the fruits of the spirit which equals peace, harmony, love, faith, hope, charity, abundance and service. All the attributes that are positive and not chaotic. Can we create an induction of the rest of the population if about 1% of the population of the planet is coherent meaning they are on the same wavelength?

Each and every one of us should challenge ourselves to be the ONE that tips the scale to experience positivity and peace and harmony on the planet.

Paulette Moulton

My Life Lessons from Steve Jobs Death

What is the Definition of a Life Successfully Lived?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I was genuinely sad when I heard of Steve Jobs’s passing and immediately got on my social media platforms and defined him as a genius, an inspiration and declared his life a shining example of a life successfully lived.

As the founder of a social enterprise, The ACADEMi of Life, a place of ‘higher learning’, I quickly began to second guess my initial response and found myself asking a deeper question: who was Steve Jobs and what did he stand for? I was very clear that he was an iconoclast, a design and marketing genius who created products people loved. He understood us and knew what we wanted and needed. I fell in love with his entire product line because he created them with love. I believe the reason so many people love his products, is that we could feel the love in them. And, who doesn’t want to be surrounded by love.

What was not so clear however was the nagging question of why he was stricken with cancer? Cancer I know is a disease that even in oversimplification represents dis-ease…a word that indicates someone who is ‘out of ease.’ I consulted my library and pulled a book I frequently reference when I am suffering from any type of ailment, the New York Times bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life. This book, by author Louise Hay, has a listing of every possible disease and the related probable causes.

I looked up cancer and its probable cause was: ‘Deep hurt, longstanding resentment and a deep secret or grief eating away at the self…carrying hatreds.’ I recently read a Steve Jobs article which included this statement: Jobs ‘has refused to speak to his biological father, despite the father's efforts to contact Jobs. He was quoted as saying, "This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared, even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him." One is left to wonder whether he was really ever able to get over his adoption…ever able to forgive and release his past. Could the pouring of all his love into his products without replenishing and understanding his emotional needs, finally cost him his life?

So what has his death taught me?
• Being talented, smart and financially successful is only part of the success equation.
• Denying the surges of fear, hurt or revulsion that we may feel daily, only serve to ignore a most complimentary and essential realm of self…our inner reconciliation…the other part of the success equation.

As David Brooks reminds us in his recent book, The Social Animal, ‘most success stories are told at the surface level of life.’ But if we look one level down, to the ‘unconscious realm of emotions’ we are reminded that we are far less rational and far more emotional that our success stories reveal. As such, in order to experience a full and happy life it stands to reason that “a life successfully lived” is one that strikes the correct balance between matters of the heart and head.

I suppose I am not sure of all the correlations between ease and dis-ease but as a person who strives to understand the inner self, I truly believe that it is just as important for us to strengthen our inner minds as it is for us to build great products and billion dollar organizations with our outer minds.

Maybe someday soon we will be able to articulate to ourselves and to our children the true definition of a life successfully lived! RIP, Steve Jobs.

Image from exame.abril.com.br