My Life Lessons from Steve Jobs Death

What is the Definition of a Life Successfully Lived?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I was genuinely sad when I heard of Steve Jobs’s passing and immediately got on my social media platforms and defined him as a genius, an inspiration and declared his life a shining example of a life successfully lived.

As the founder of a social enterprise, The ACADEMi of Life, a place of ‘higher learning’, I quickly began to second guess my initial response and found myself asking a deeper question: who was Steve Jobs and what did he stand for? I was very clear that he was an iconoclast, a design and marketing genius who created products people loved. He understood us and knew what we wanted and needed. I fell in love with his entire product line because he created them with love. I believe the reason so many people love his products, is that we could feel the love in them. And, who doesn’t want to be surrounded by love.

What was not so clear however was the nagging question of why he was stricken with cancer? Cancer I know is a disease that even in oversimplification represents dis-ease…a word that indicates someone who is ‘out of ease.’ I consulted my library and pulled a book I frequently reference when I am suffering from any type of ailment, the New York Times bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life. This book, by author Louise Hay, has a listing of every possible disease and the related probable causes.

I looked up cancer and its probable cause was: ‘Deep hurt, longstanding resentment and a deep secret or grief eating away at the self…carrying hatreds.’ I recently read a Steve Jobs article which included this statement: Jobs ‘has refused to speak to his biological father, despite the father's efforts to contact Jobs. He was quoted as saying, "This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared, even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him." One is left to wonder whether he was really ever able to get over his adoption…ever able to forgive and release his past. Could the pouring of all his love into his products without replenishing and understanding his emotional needs, finally cost him his life?

So what has his death taught me?
• Being talented, smart and financially successful is only part of the success equation.
• Denying the surges of fear, hurt or revulsion that we may feel daily, only serve to ignore a most complimentary and essential realm of self…our inner reconciliation…the other part of the success equation.

As David Brooks reminds us in his recent book, The Social Animal, ‘most success stories are told at the surface level of life.’ But if we look one level down, to the ‘unconscious realm of emotions’ we are reminded that we are far less rational and far more emotional that our success stories reveal. As such, in order to experience a full and happy life it stands to reason that “a life successfully lived” is one that strikes the correct balance between matters of the heart and head.

I suppose I am not sure of all the correlations between ease and dis-ease but as a person who strives to understand the inner self, I truly believe that it is just as important for us to strengthen our inner minds as it is for us to build great products and billion dollar organizations with our outer minds.

Maybe someday soon we will be able to articulate to ourselves and to our children the true definition of a life successfully lived! RIP, Steve Jobs.

Image from exame.abril.com.br

Getting To Happy

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

I believe that people should be happy, and have the right to be happy. Happiness is an essential ingredient to our success.

A recent Harvard study http://bit.ly/pxylJk concluded that happiness is the single greatest competitive advantage in the 21st century. They suggest that if you are happy first success will follow. In other words, success does not make you happy but happiness makes you successful.

But do we really know what makes us happy?

Many of us spend most of our lives developing and valuing our first class education, our high powered career and our ability to collect material things. As a society this has become how we measure and define success. But do these achievements really make us happy? Everyone knows people who are brilliant yet unhappy or financially successful and unhappy. I know from my own life that a first class education, owning my own business and acquiring lots of material things did not bring me the fulfillment and joy that I thought they would.

The same Harvard study estimated that having a good education and great technical skills contribute only 25% of our success at work and in life. To be successful in work and life, there are other character traits that we must possess. So what are these traits? They include optimism, emotional resilience, empathy, the ability to make social connections and viewing stress as a challenge instead of as a threat. The study calls these traits the “silent 75%.” The “silent 75%.” are generally viewed as ‘soft skills’ and their long term importance to our happiness is routinely undervalued.

The study, however, concludes that long-term success at work and in life “is based upon our ability to positively adapt to the world”; to be happy, joyful and optimistic, since we are more likely to achieve our full potential when we are feeling positive. As a culture we need to focus on these ‘soft skills’- the silent 75% – and all of us should seek to build and strengthen these traits within us in order to be more joyful human beings. To be truly happy and therefore successful requires the right balance between our rational and emotional skills.

Despite achieving in my education and career I had a realization that I simply wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be. My joy was limited despite the material abundance around me and my successes didn’t fulfill me the way I had expected. I began to make a very conscious effort to focus on doing things that fed my spirit. I decided to focus on the things that brought me more happiness and joy – like making sure I have dinner with a friend at least once a week, connecting daily with family members by phone or in person and doing work that is meaningful and engaging.

I believe that happiness is found deep within, that it comes from our soul and not from external things. So take a peek inside and find your joy. The journey of self-discovery can be very personal and private and each person has to determine what truly makes them happy. But take comfort in knowing that this is important and essential work to ‘get to happy.’

Below are eleven happiness boosters outlined by Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage. Try them out and see how you feel:

1. Smile
2. Open doors
3. Offer a seat at your table in a busy cafe
4. Make eye contact
5. Start a conversation with someone who looks lonely
6. Listen
7. Have deep meaningful conversations
8. Give money to beggars without conditions attached
9. Try and put a positive spin on a bad situation
10. Meditate so you are calmer for your family
11. Volunteer for someone who really needs it

I know many of these have worked for me! Which of these work best for you?

Original post written for Joy Campaign August 2011.

TRUE WEALTH

Raising Balanced, Responsible, Productive Children!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


‘Mama may have, Papa may, but God bless the child that’s got his own’ – Billie Holiday

How do you raise children that are emotionally balanced, productive and have decent values? For eons, the answer to this question has eluded most parents; especially wealthy ones. There seems to be no guaranteed formulas or guidelines for raising ‘successful’ kids.

Increasingly we read about children of the wealthy leading less than productive, values driven lives. The stories in the media are endless regarding the ‘curse of rich kids,’ the excessive partying, drugs and alcohol use. The parents of these children face significant challenges of raising them to become responsible, emotionally balanced adults who grow up to be contributing members of society with meaningful lives of their own.

The increasing money culture in the US ‘is producing a record number of heirs—but handing down values is harder than handing down wealth.’ In fact Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world has proclaimed his intention to leave each of his children only about $10 million and Warren Buffett, the second richest, has said, “I want to give my kids enough so that they could feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.”

‘It suggests that two of the richest men on the planet see their own fortunes as a ticking time bomb—and potentially corrosive to their children’s future well-being.’ No one learned this better than Warren Buffett’s son, Peter Buffett Author, Composer, Emmy Award-winning Musician & Philanthropist. His recent book ‘Life Is What You Make It’ reveals that the real inheritance handed down from his parents was a philosophy: forge your own path in life regardless of your circumstances. It is a creed that has allowed him to follow his own passions, establish his own identity, and reap his own successes.

Buffett and Gates philosophy is supported by Harris Stratyner, a Manhattan psychologist who reveals that the thing that most distressed rich kids fantasize about when it comes to their family money, is not that they have too much of it, but “that they’d made it themselves.” It’s often difficult for them to feel fulfilled about anything valuable that has been handed down to them, since self-esteem and self-worth are generally tied to achieving your own successes.

In NYC on 11/11/2010 A Conversation and Concert with Peter Buffett "for young people seeking to find his or her place in the world, and for every family hoping to give their children the best possible start in life.” http://bit.ly/8YlMti