Family

…what does it mean?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


As the holidays approach, the conversations begin regarding the dread and duty people feel about spending time with their family. It seems as if we have been conditioned or socialized to believe that we must love and get along with our families. Life has taught me that love cannot be legislated, coerced or demanded, it has to be authentically given…even to our family.

What is this thing called family anyway? We are born and we get to meet these people called our parents; Mom & Dad…we become sons and daughters. We also get to meet the extended family, grandma and grandpa, sisters, brothers and cousins. Then later we meet the nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews. The western culture dictionary definition of family (from Latin: familiare) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity (same blood), affinity, or co-residence.

Throughout the years we discover that we have varying levels of affection for these people to whom we are connected by blood. Some we love, some we like and some we don’t care for at all. I have had friends who have confessed that they feel as if they were strangers in their own families, yet they yearn for the ‘belonginess’ of a family. I have had mothers tell me how much they dislike their kids, and I have had brothers and sisters relate the difficulties they have getting along with their siblings.

Why is there is so much strife within a family? Families test us, they bring out the best and worst in us. As in other relationships, the family serves as a basic training ground to redress pass hurts and disappointments and if we can get pass that and only show love, then we become better people and the world becomes a better place. Families are really our spiritual practice…the milieu where we learn to become our best selves despite the challenges of ‘getting along’.

I know from personal experience that as much as my immediate family can be challenging and dysfunctional at times, there is nothing more memorable than spending quality time with them. The shared history, the loving moments, the birth of the new ones, the fights, the disappointments, the divorces, the marriages, the deaths, are all necessary and important experiences for us to learn and grow in love. I cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

The true essence of our creation is Love. Love is what rules the universe, so to be able to transcend and love the people closest to us who truly know our weaknesses and frailties, is the ultimate in unconditional love. As human we have a difficult time loving ourselves and other unconditionally. To date, I have found that a mother is generally the only person on earth, who comes closest to delivering unconditional love…the person who will continually and consistently be there to support and love her children, even the ‘most troubled'.

As we celebrate the holidays, let’s try hard to love, to see the good in all, be emphatic, be understanding and tolerant. Know that our negative actions and reactions are all coming from our wounded childhood traumas… so when Grandma says something that really makes you crazy…just pause, take a breath and smile! Happy Holidays!

TRUE WEALTH

Raising Balanced, Responsible, Productive Children!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


‘Mama may have, Papa may, but God bless the child that’s got his own’ – Billie Holiday

How do you raise children that are emotionally balanced, productive and have decent values? For eons, the answer to this question has eluded most parents; especially wealthy ones. There seems to be no guaranteed formulas or guidelines for raising ‘successful’ kids.

Increasingly we read about children of the wealthy leading less than productive, values driven lives. The stories in the media are endless regarding the ‘curse of rich kids,’ the excessive partying, drugs and alcohol use. The parents of these children face significant challenges of raising them to become responsible, emotionally balanced adults who grow up to be contributing members of society with meaningful lives of their own.

The increasing money culture in the US ‘is producing a record number of heirs—but handing down values is harder than handing down wealth.’ In fact Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world has proclaimed his intention to leave each of his children only about $10 million and Warren Buffett, the second richest, has said, “I want to give my kids enough so that they could feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.”

‘It suggests that two of the richest men on the planet see their own fortunes as a ticking time bomb—and potentially corrosive to their children’s future well-being.’ No one learned this better than Warren Buffett’s son, Peter Buffett Author, Composer, Emmy Award-winning Musician & Philanthropist. His recent book ‘Life Is What You Make It’ reveals that the real inheritance handed down from his parents was a philosophy: forge your own path in life regardless of your circumstances. It is a creed that has allowed him to follow his own passions, establish his own identity, and reap his own successes.

Buffett and Gates philosophy is supported by Harris Stratyner, a Manhattan psychologist who reveals that the thing that most distressed rich kids fantasize about when it comes to their family money, is not that they have too much of it, but “that they’d made it themselves.” It’s often difficult for them to feel fulfilled about anything valuable that has been handed down to them, since self-esteem and self-worth are generally tied to achieving your own successes.

In NYC on 11/11/2010 A Conversation and Concert with Peter Buffett "for young people seeking to find his or her place in the world, and for every family hoping to give their children the best possible start in life.” http://bit.ly/8YlMti

IDEAS TO LIVE BY FROM THE MUSIC OF Bob Marley

A spiritual genius!

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Spirituality has nothing to do with what you believe but everything to do with your state of consciousness. Your inner spirit.

Bob Marley was a seeker who was never afraid to look within. I consider him to be a musical prophet, a spiritual genius and a timeless mystic. He left a body of work that is instructive and can help us live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Below are quotes from his music. I have taken the liberty of categorizing the messages.

Self- Awareness
Life is one big road with lots of signs.
Open your eyes and look within are you satisfied with the life you're living.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.

Positivity
If you get down and quarrel every day, you're saying prayers to the devil, I say. Why not help one another on the way… makes it much easier.
Don't worry about a thing: because every little thing is gonna be alright.
I say, you just can’t live that negative way…make way for the positive day.

Love
Can a woman's tender care seize towards the child she bears.
Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

World Peace-Oneness
Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandon…there will be WAR.
One love one heart.

Trust
Man to Man is so unjust…you don’t know who to trust! Your worst enemy can be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy.
Only your friends know your secret so only they can reveal it.

Universal Truths
In the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty.
The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.
He who fight and run away, live to fight another day.
You ain’t gonna miss your water until your well runs dry.
You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

“As a culture we're starving for some real connection; something we can grab onto and make sense of us. Few people are up to the challenge of doing the work; the real spiritual work that requires us to look inside; to look at the real motivations behind the actions we take. You want to know yourself. Look at what's motivating you.” - Geneen Roth

ON AGING

I am getting older…yet I feel young on the inside!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Most of us are so afraid of getting old and as a result don’t embrace the aging process. What is this thing called growing old and why am I so afraid of it? Why do I spend hours plucking any visible signs of grey hairs from my scalp? (If I keep this up I am going to be bald very soon) As I lament getting older, the crazy thing is I feel young on the inside. Is there a difference between inner age and outer age?

From the outside I see and feel that the years are rapidly passing by, yet on the inside I feel calm, young and vital. When I look at photographs of myself I notice that my looks change from decade to decade, however the daily looks at me in the mirror don't reveal the dramatic changes of the aging process. I am grateful for the gradual, imperceptible daily rate of the aging, giving me time to grow accustomed to my face.

I recently read an article on celebrating older women by British actress, Harriet Walter and she concludes that ‘there’s something within us that lasts beyond youth and that we shouldn’t feel insecure and scared about getting older.’ Eckhart Tolle, author and spiritual teacher believes that ‘the inner aliveness never gets old…there is the eternal, timeless, formless dimension that you feel on the inside… pay attention to the inner age and less on your external age,’ he counsels.

I realize that a big part of the insecurity and fear of aging is the fear of dying. I am reminded that it's the destiny of all forms; a flower, an apple, a pet or a human being, to age and die. I believe we should be taught at an early age that aging is inevitable and acceptance of our wrinkles, grey hair and gradual decline is our destiny. With acceptance comes peace and if we can accept this fact, then we can truly make peace with aging.

Tolle also believes that when the physical form starts to age, the state of ‘Being’ is more valuable to us than the state of ‘Doing’ and we should attempt to get in touch with that inner age, that inner aliveness that never ages…our spirits. In older civilizations old people embody the realm of spirit and are deeply respected and revered and I think we need to learn how to honor this sacredness in aging which could bring us to a deeper dimension in our lives.

I think this is good advice and I am going to heed it!

FATHERLY LOVE

A father’s role in creating the Space of Love
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


Not much is written about a Father’s role and love in the life of a child. I consider myself very lucky I had a remarkably loving father. He was a silent, tender, giant of a man, an accountant who served in The Royal Air force in WW11. I adored my father and although he is no longer here, I think of him often and feel his presence of everlasting guidance and love.

So what do fathers need to do to free and nurture the soul of their children...creating that ‘space of love’ as my father did for me?

I recently saw the movie ‘Babies’ and there was a scene where one of the babies became over- the-top frustrated as she played with her numerous state of the art toys, none of which brought her any joy. There was another scene in the movie of a baby observing the movement of a bug in the dirt and she seemed so engaged and at peace.

I was immediately reminded of a passage I read in the book ‘The Ringing Cedar Series – The Space of Love’. ‘A bug is a more perfect mechanism than any manufactured product. Every bug is a living thing and is a part of creation and as such aids the child in becoming aware of and connected to the essence of the Universe and of himself as part of it. Artificially created objects have no such connection and do not arrange priorities and values in the child’s brain in the right way.’

Another book I recently read, ‘The Continuum Concept’ says 'babies grow best in health, happiness, intelligence, self-reliance, courage and cooperativeness when they are reared in the continuum of the human biological experience…'

So how does a 21st century father nurture the soul of his child? I am no expert but I think spending meaningful time with your child in nature and and tell them as often as you can ‘I see you’ (Sawu Bona) might be a good place to start…maybe even read the books mentioned.

A man who is free from aggression, selfishness, fear and other dark feelings emanates the Light of Love. Shine your light of love on your child. Happy Father's Day.

MOTHERLY LOVE

What is this thing called a mother’s love?
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC



Several experiences this weekend lead me to reflect deeply on the meaning of motherhood. The first experience was my attendance at a Barack Obama’s initiative to serve brunch to mothers at a homeless shelter in NYC to celebrate Mother’s Day. These mothers were women from all walks of life each mentally challenged and the majority had children. The second experience was seeing two movies; ‘Babies’ and ‘Mother and Child.’

So what did I learn from those experiences? I realized that being a mother is probably one of the most difficult roles a person elects to undertake. I also realized that society does not allow us to be truthful about the awesome responsibility and difficulty of motherhood. The way it’s portrayed in the movies is an experience that is always blissful and peaceful, yet the reality is sometimes very different. I recall a friend telling me that the only way she survived the birth of her son, was to pretend that he was only going to be with her for a short time.

A mother’s love, especially in the formative years, is a selfless unselfish act and is considered the highest kind of love. Most women want kids and are happy with their newborn. Eric Fromm in ‘The Art of Loving’ describes the love of a mother as: ‘A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.' But as the child grows up and begins to separate from the mother, motherly love becomes difficult because it continues to require unselfishness, the ability to give everything and want nothing in return.

According to Fromm, ‘the real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother’s love for the small infant, but in her love for the growing child.’ He concludes that ‘a woman can be a truly loving mother only if she can love’ meaning that she is a happy person who loves herself, her family, her husband, other children, strangers and all human beings. Well said Eric!!

COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

Evolving the Corporate Machine with LOVE!
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


“Businesses have become the most powerful and influential institutions on earth, rivaling any government or nation state. But public distrust of business is at an historic high; many employees and customers are disconnected from the companies they work for or buy from; suppliers feel squeezed; communities often organize to keep certain businesses out. With overworked employees and burnt-out executives, it is no surprise that there are calls for Love to have a greater place in our lives, in business and work.”

My new venture, The ACADEMi of Life (www.theacademioflife.com) hosts an event in NYC on May 12, 2010: An Evening in Conversation with Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide of Saatchi & Saatchi, a person I consider a courageous leader. He is passionate and unafraid about discussing the role of love in business and believes that the responsibility of businesses is to make the world a better place.

Roberts is truly a fearless, authentic leader who likes ideas and loves inspiration. And hates the word “but”. He’s constantly provocative and restless. He has an international reputation for an uncompromisingly positive, inspirational leadership style, and an extraordinary ability to generate ideas and emotional connections that accelerate value. Kevin is also the originator of Lovemark thinking, a methodology on how to evolve brands into a product or service that people adore. He authored the best-selling business book ‘Lovemarks’ which was published in 18 different languages.

Roberts was the keynote speaker at our annual Women Presidents Organization Conference a few years ago and over 600 women declared him as one of the best speaker we've ever had (and we've had some of the best, Malcolm Gladwell, Gary Hamel, Jim Collins etc.)

“I consider him inspiring and transformational and his message is essentially about the power of love and truly connecting with people, some of whom happen to be our customers, our employees, our suppliers our community and our shareholders. He is an experience not to be missed and you can learn more about him and his work at www.saatchikevin.com However in my opinion nothing you read can truly describe his impact.” – M. Goodfriend

Join us and experience his impact! http://bit.ly/dC2PVs


“Humans live by their emotions. That is how we make decisions and how we run our lives, whether it’s around a family dining table or a corporation’s boardroom table. The greatest emotion is Love and because business is part of life, business needs Love.” Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi & Saatchi

THE ART OF CONVERSATION

WE NEED TO TALK
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC



I recently read Catherine Blyth’s The ART of Conversation a manual on how to be a great conversationalist. I was particularly interested in this topic since our new venture The ACADEMI of Life (www.theacademioflife.com), a place where we discuss ideas to perfect our lives, offers a weekly conversation dinner event.

These dinners confirmed that attendees had no difficulty being conversationalists. In fact I learned that there was this great need to talk. And this talk needed to be face to face. I also learned how essential these conversations were to our well-being and how valuable the simple pleasure of talking to one another is. People were open, eager to spend time with each other connecting and sharing their life stories…one more intriguing than the other. The conversations were transformative and provided great insights on how we can lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

The book contains these wonderful gems:
• Good conversations can come close to heaven
• Conversation is where the raw stuff of life is spun into art
• Conversations awaken us to each other
• Conversation is good for the brain – better than a hundred pills
• Conversations can heal us
• Conversations give us humanity
• Talk less we understand each other less

I am reminded of the old French salons where conversations were most revered, where the great thinkers, writers, artists, politicians got together to share ideas to innovate, to reason and to produce best-selling books and form lifelong friendships.

I am excited about the possibilities of these dinner conversations…and remain confident that we can change the world one conversation at a time!

SELF-LOVE

Mastering the Art of Loving Self
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


I recently read Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”

As I reflect on the word LOVE in the month of February, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

I LOVE BUSINESS

"Work is Love made Visible"- Kahlil Gibran
By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC


After seven years of working in major corporations and with over 22 years leading a company whose clients were primarily Fortune 1000, I came to realize that I and others who worked in these mammoth entities were generally unhappy, fearful and stressed.

I LOVE business and I have loved it since the age of 5 years when I opened an imaginary store and literally sold ‘dirt’ and leaves from trees, to my sisters as products. I loved it when I would go into the shop next door to my house and buy candy. I remember watching in awe as the shopkeeper Master Alan skillfully weighed the flour and sugar he sold. The scale he used was this metal device balanced on a chain that hung from the ceiling. He would put empty brown paper bags on the scale and scoop out the flour or sugar from crocus cloth bags on the floor and fill the bags. He would meticulously and gently fold the bags using consistent motions and finally the finished product – 2 lbs of sugar or flour for the customer.

I loved watching this process. I loved the notion that if you requested a product it was provided with loving care and in turn, you would pay for the service with money, given in recognition of a job well done. What I witnessed was a ‘loving exchange’ as both buyer and seller experienced happiness, joy and satisfaction during the process. Watching this was inspiring, it was awesome! Many years later I read a quote by Kahlil Gibran “work is love made visible” and realized that what Master Alan was engaged in was a loving act and what was really being exchanged between the buyer and seller was “love”.

From that experience and many others since then, I concluded that the real purpose of a business is to lovingly create products and services in exchange for love through the vehicle of money. Money was the vehicle to express love for the products received from Master Alan. What if we would extend this feeling of love and loving responses to all the constituents of a business, the employees, the customers, suppliers, investors and society and in so doing produce quiet joy and happiness for all participants. What an evolution this would be; a business always engaged in the exchange of LOVE and loving it!

Excerpt from a book I am currently writing titled “How Big Business Can Save the Lives of their People…a Guide to Authentic Leadership”