TEACHING OUR KIDS COMPASSION

Written by Michal Berg (Spiritualityforkids.org)

In prior post, I’ve mentioned that my parents divorced when I was eight years old, and after that my mom started searching out everything in Israel that had anything to do with spirituality: meditation, different temples, different methods, everything. And she took me with her. So I was exposed to spirituality from a very young age.

That experience made me aware of how important it is for us, as parents, to actually open the door to spirituality for our children. I remember how I felt as a teenager, when I found the Kabbalah Centre and met other young people who actually talked about more than just clothes, or what party they went to last week. It was very comforting, and it gave me inner strength.

We always say that the future is in the hands of our kids, but the only way our kids are going to grow up to be adults capable of making a difference is if they are equipped with the right tools and the right consciousness. This is why it’s so important to start with kids when they’re young; when they’re especially open to new ways of seeing things. Because the soul is constantly evolving, souls coming down into the world in this generation are probably higher and more elevated than we are. We want to work with them as early as possible, before their Light begins to get covered over.

Today I’d like to focus on compassion. This isn’t easy to teach, but as always the very best approach is to model compassionate behavior in our own lives - especially when it comes to dealing with our own kids and their limitations. Even if my kid is challenged to act in ways that annoy me, and I’d like him to change, I can still show compassion, which means I can feel his pain. I can understand where he’s coming from. I can understand that I might not have this challenge, but he does.

I’ll give you a mundane example. One of my sons is really messy—he eats in a messy way, and he always get his clothes dirty—whereas I’m a very neat person. Few things are more annoying for a neat person than to have a messy child, right? But that’s what I have. That’s just the way some kids are. It’s in the DNA. I’ve found that neatness isn’t something you can teach; you can try, but if you have high standards you’ll be fighting that battle forever.

So I’ve learned something here--to have compassion when my kids don’t have the same skills that I do. They don’t see socks on the floor. They really don’t. One gift of having many kids is how clear it becomes that they’re not just reflections of you. Kids are born into this world with their own personalities, their own strengths and weaknesses, and their own potential to do great things. Everyone benefits when you can feel compassion for those more difficult qualities, that would otherwise be annoying.

Another good way to teach kids compassion is by showing it to people outside our family. If my friend is in trouble, and the kids hear me talking to another friend about why the first friend is such a drama queen, that’s not helpful modeling. They’d be much better off hearing you on the phone with a friend saying, “I feel for her. She’s in a difficult situation, and I’m talking with her to find out how I can help. Even if I can’t help in any practical way, I can sit with her in her unhappiness, and help her bear that pain.”

There’s no better way to teach compassion than to be compassionate ourselves. As Karen Berg likes to say, “It takes work to understand a person deeply, but there are great rewards awaiting you if you are willing to become a compassionate and understanding person.”

LIFE LESSONS FROM THE LANCE ARMSTRONG SAGA

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The Academi of Life, NYC

Being Human is Not Enough

As I watched the recent Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah Winfrey, I suddenly realized that I was looking at a person void of emotions, empathy and compassion. A person who had strayed so far from his true nature, his being, his spiritual and emotional self, he was unrecognizable. The man had become a machine.

How does a Human Being get to that place? I think most of us don’t realize that we are called Human Being for a reason. Human + Being = A Whole Person. So many of us live our lives and our values as a Human only.

Being Human means to achieve and acquire. While there is nothing wrong with achieving and acquiring, our focus on developing only the human aspects of our nature results in us becoming machine-like, devoid of any emotions.

Our Being nature cannot be ignored. It is our spiritual, emotional, compassionate and empathetic side, which has to be developed and incorporated in our lives. Without which we truly cannot successfully execute this life. Self-Mastery is finding the balance between Human and Being … and Self-Mastery = Happiness.

Being Human is never enough. It’s not enough to make us truly content and happy in our lives. A happy life belongs to the person who achieves the correct balance between Human + Being…a true Human Being. Clearly Lance Armstrong has a lot of work to do.

AUTHENTIC LIVING

By Marva Allen – CEO, Hue-Man Bookstore, NYC

As Sandy whipped New York and the East coast into a frenzy, I had a moment to pause. The effect of Sandy, depending on where you were, was either a day of rest or a devastating blow. My prayers go out to those whose lives were altered. I was safe, tucked away under my comforter watching Netflix. On and off as I watched the news updates I felt pride in our government and public service personnel. Yet I was saddened. It should not take a natural disaster for us to show care and solidarity to our fellow citizens.

Just the day before Hurricane Sandy my dear friend called for advise about a mean spirited correspondence she had received. I was taken aback by the evil tone of the email. Such ungracious behavior is characteristic of our increasing glib and disrespectful society. With all the noise of life in today's "modern" world, the distasteful vitriol of the Presidential elections, the ugliness of America's original sin rearing its head, the selfishness, haughtiness and insincerity of our fellow man where rudeness has outstripped graciousness, how do we navigate our lives with grace?

Must we always have a disaster to humble us and remind us that we are but a minor spec in the divine order of the universe. No technology, no political debate, no power seizing or greedy Wall Street grubbers could have done a single thing to stop Sandy. Nature is out of their influence in a call and response way. So where does all this vitriol get us?

The result of this top down lack of care for our fellowman has plummeted American productivity and competitiveness to number 25 in the world. Workers and consumers, alike, betrayed by the "system" are defecting from corporate America and taking their own destiny in hand by becoming entrepreneurs. Those 53%ers who are probably responsible for the erosion of natures balance anyway, from too much logging, too much drilling, too much mining, too much pollution and too much greed are going to have to have 'a come to Jesus moment'. Their Sandy might not be so lenient.

As ordinary citizens we have played the game badly and we have been checkmated. The blame game and occupy whatever is not the solution yet it should be a strong reminder of how we have abandoned critical thinking and logic to follow the power structure like zombies. So if my theory is right and we are co-conspirators in our own demise, it is because we are not living our authentic life.

Our authentic life, a guide to our best selves, will not allow us harm or hurt others. It is the life that recognizes that we are all one, and a life that promotes harmony, peace and understanding. The third law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transformed ... let Hurricane Sandy be a reminder for us to transform our energies from negative to positive.

Let us be grateful for the life we have kept for another day and live it boldly, lovingly and fearlessly. And if you have hurt someone ... let him or her know how sorry you are, forgive yourself and move on with your life with spiritual elegance.

My book of the month, “The Happiness Advantage” is a good place to start for finding happiness and contentment in your life. Your happiness will spill over to all you meet along the way…this is called authentic living.

The Empathy Paradox: Mastering Empathy for Others Begins With Knowing Yourself

Tahoe is my place for self-reflection – where is yours?

By Michael Zakaras
Michael is a writer and strategist who specializes in social entrepreneurship and public policy and works with ASHOKA.


I recently returned from a week at Lake Tahoe, where I’ve spent a piece of every summer with my family since I was five years old. My uncle has a cabin on the lake, and it’s unlike any other house I know because I exist there not only in the present but also in the past.

When I'm there, I feel the younger versions of myself accompanying me. On my first dive off the rock, they dive with me, filled with fear and joy and anticipation. I surface in the same bone-chilling water. My brother surfaces beside me. My parents look down from the deck, watching as always. The words permanence and continuity are abstractions. But there, at Tahoe, they come to life.



Tahoe is where I slow down, where I don’t chase things but let them come to me, and where I’ve developed values and ways of being that I have brought back to the rest of my life. It’s where I learned to be fulfilled by living simply: there has never been a TV at the house, and there are no tight schedules or fixed plans. Each part of the day simply eases into the next. We swim and hike and canoe, but most of our hours are filled with communal cooking, leisurely family meals, reading, and storytelling. And there’s an abundance of open time: for listening, for watching, for reflection. I’ll often bring a book and sit between two pines at the water’s edge only to never open it.
In this way, each summer gives me a chance to pull back from my immersion into the everyday world of school or work—of constant activities—and to ask myself what's been really good and what hasn't, and what should be changed. In recent years especially, as a young adult, I've gained a great deal of understanding from these times of quiet reflection. Tahoe serves as a retreat from which I return renewed and replenished for the rest of the year.

In the end, my uncle’s house is the place where I know myself best. My summers there have helped me look at my life as a whole picture. I take on different roles in the world, but I'm always a son and brother in our family. And more recently, a husband. I can put my latest successes and disappointments into a long-term perspective. I can see how much I've changed with every summer, and I can see how much, for better or worse, I've remained the same.


Empathy is ultimately other-regarding, but I’m convinced that mastering it begins with understanding yourself – your emotions, your desires, your flaws. And for me, it includes understanding how lucky I am to have Tahoe in the first place. In this way, empathy is hard: it takes awareness and perspective. It takes space. But in our world of relentless demands and distractions, it’s far easier to become self-absorbed than self-aware. Which is why it’s essential that we create this space for ourselves – in big ways and small – so that we can use our understanding of ourselves to better understand and serve others.

Enlightened Leadership – A New Way To Lead In The 21st Century

By Shirley Moulton, Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

The current volatile, uncertain, chaotic and ambiguous (VUCA) world requires a new type of leader and a new type of employee. It requires enlightened beings. Enlightened beings are ones who are wise, compassionate and empathetic and can thrive in a constantly changing world.

The ACADEMi of Life has a vision of Companies lead by Compassionate Empathetic Officers, with employees who are wise, compassionate and empathetic. These organizations will be “too GOOD to fail.” Our contribution to the vision is that we will introduce a new corporate experiential program aimed at increasing positivity and well-being at work.

Why we will provide the Program

We know that:
• Individual happiness and organizational success are inextricably linked.
• After analyzing more than 450,000 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index (GHWBI), responses, two top scientists at Princeton University determined that happiness is actually the result of the fulfillment of two abstract psychological states -- emotional wellbeing and life evaluation.
•73% of Americans describe themselves as not engaged or actively disengaged at work when questioned in a Gallup Poll about how happiness and well-being affect their job performance.
• A recent Harvard study shows that only 25% of a person’s job success is predicted based upon their general intelligence and technical skills
• The other 75% of a person’s job success is based on their emotional intelligence and well-being, demonstrated in traits (soft-skills) such as: resilience, equanimity, ability to make social connection and build trusting relationships, ability to inspire and understand people, ability to recognize and correct shortcomings, compassion, optimism and empathy.
• A 2012 IBM CEO study conducted with 1,700 CEO’s in 64 countries confirms the Harvard findings. It reveals that the CEO’s consistently highlighted four personal characteristics or traits (soft-skills) most critical for employees’ future success: collaboration, communication, flexibility and creativity. These CEO’s are looking for ‘Future Proof Employees,’ ones with the above traits who can thrive in our connected and constantly changing world.
• Other studies have shown that emotional competencies are twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect or expertise.

More details of our program will be released in Fall of 2012. Tell us what you think!

SELF LOVE:The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

By Shirley Moulton - Founder, The ACADEMi of Life, NYC

Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, is a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”As I reflect on the word LOVE on this Valentine's Day, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

Are You Living A Life With No Regrets?

As we grow older, it's not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do.

This article was written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who cared for numerous end of life patients. She learned overtime that they shared common regrets which could be summarized in 5 basic themes:

The Top 5 Regrets

1. "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."


Thank you Bronnie Ware for sharing these powerful and wise insights!