The Academi of Life - The Art of Living

SELF LOVE:The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

2012-02-13T20:22:00.000-08:00

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, is a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”As I reflect on the word LOVE on this Valentine's Day, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

Are You Living A Life With No Regrets?

2012-01-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

As we grow older, it's not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do.

This article was written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who cared for numerous end of life patients. She learned overtime that they shared common regrets which could be summarized in 5 basic themes:

The Top 5 Regrets

1. "I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying."

Thank you Bronnie Ware for sharing these powerful and wise insights!

The ONE

2011-11-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Awakening of the Human Being

Did you know that this year we will experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/1/11 and 11/11/11? And did you know that if you take the last two digits of the year you were born and add that to the age that you will be this year, you will most likely get the number 111? Is it time to remember our ONENESS?

Below, I am sharing a very deep, profound, unedited commentary from my sister Paulette called ‘The One’. She wrote this a few months ago as a contribution to a book I am writing. After re-reading this content a few days ago, I thought how appropriate it would be to share this commentary in light of the upcoming days of 11/1/11 and 11/11/11. Read it with an open mind, enjoy and take the challenge!

In the beginning there was only ONE!

The One divided itself into many so that it could experience itself in many different ways. In this part of the universe, on our planet, the beings that inhabited this planet chose to forget that there was only ONE and that each individual has a part of the ONE original beginning.

So we decided as a group to hide our original creative ability. Let’s suppose that each individual has a part of the original one and as soon as we remember our spiritual heritage then we get back to the original ONE powerful creative impulse that began the whole universe.

The universe of course has many many different planets and other realities but on this part of the universe, the place we call earth, this ball floating in space, that we call home, is the most material aspect of all of creation. We have pretty much forgotten who and what we are.

So let us remind ourselves that we are also beings floating in space on planet earth with a reality that is 70% spirit 25% mind and 5% body. Most of us are seduced primarily by the reality of what we feel, see, touch, hear and smell not realizing behind this physical reality is a higher order of things that is the only reason why we exist.

We are at a point in our evolution where each and every one of us needs to remember our home, our lineage, the place from where we came. Acknowledge this and become to ONE again. It is time for each and every one of us to take responsibility to connect to our original creative, primordial energy beginnings.

How does one do this? This is not something that anyone can prove to you. This is a solo journey into the memory of yourself and the most effective way to get back to the original pattern of yourself is through stillness, meditation and quiet acknowledgement of yourself.

So we are actually made up of physical matter and energetic matter. The physical matter comes from bio chemicals…the accumulation of atoms, electrons neutrons etc. which are then built up to proteins and molecules and they form a vehicle which is inter-penetrated with this electrical magnetic energy which is spirit.

Even though we may not know and acknowledge this, it is because of this electromagnetic the spiritual aspects of ourselves that we live and breathe. So our job as human beings is to acknowledge and pay tribute to that inner electromagnetic spiritual aspect which informs the physical body.

It takes less than 1% of the collective of the people on the planet to be on the same page in order to activate the fruits of the spirit which equals peace, harmony, love, faith, hope, charity, abundance and service. All the attributes that is positive and not chaotic. Can we create an induction of the rest of the population if about 1% of the population of the planet is coherent meaning they are on the same wavelength?

Each and every one of us should challenge ourselves to be the ONE that tips the scale to experience positivity and peace and harmony on the planet.

Paulette Moulton

My Life Lessons from Steve Jobs Death

2011-10-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

What is the Definition of a Life Successfully Lived?
I was genuinely sad when I heard of Steve Jobs’s passing and immediately got on my social media platforms and defined him as a genius, an inspiration and declared his life a shining example of a life successfully lived.

As the founder of a social enterprise, The ACADEMi of Life, a place of ‘higher learning’, I quickly began to second guess my initial response and found myself asking a deeper question: who was Steve Jobs and what did he stand for? I was very clear that he was an iconoclast, a design and marketing genius who created products people loved. He understood us and knew what we wanted and needed. I fell in love with his entire product line because he created them with love. I believe the reason so many people love his products, is that we could feel the love in them. And, who doesn’t want to be surrounded by love.

What was not so clear however was the nagging question of why he was stricken with cancer? Cancer I know is a disease that even in oversimplification represents dis-ease…a word that indicates someone who is ‘out of ease.’ I consulted my library and pulled a book I frequently reference when I am suffering from any type of ailment, the New York Times bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life. This book, by author Louise Hay, has a listing of every possible disease and the related probable causes.

I looked up cancer and its probable cause was: ‘Deep hurt, longstanding resentment and a deep secret or grief eating away at the self…carrying hatreds.’ I recently read a Steve Jobs article which included this statement: Jobs ‘has refused to speak to his biological father, despite the father's efforts to contact Jobs. He was quoted as saying, "This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared, even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him." One is left to wonder whether he was really ever able to get over his adoption…ever able to forgive and release his past. Could the pouring of all his love into his products without replenishing and understanding his emotional needs, finally cost him his life?

So what has his death taught me?
• Being talented, smart and financially successful is only part of the success equation.
• Denying the surges of fear, hurt or revulsion that we may feel daily, only serve to ignore a most complimentary and essential realm of self…our inner reconciliation…the other part of the success equation.

As David Brooks reminds us in his recent book, The Social Animal, ‘most success stories are told at the surface level of life.’ But if we look one level down, to the ‘unconscious realm of emotions’ we are reminded that we are far less rational and far more emotional that our success stories reveal. As such, in order to experience a full and happy life it stands to reason that “a life successfully lived” is one that strikes the correct balance between matters of the heart and head.

I suppose I am not sure of all the correlations between ease and dis-ease but as a person who strives to understand the inner self, I truly believe that it is just as important for us to strengthen our inner minds as it is for us to build great products and billion dollar organizations with our outer minds.

Maybe someday soon we will be able to articulate to ourselves and to our children the true definition of a life successfully lived! RIP, Steve Jobs.

Image from exame.abril.com.br

Getting To Happy

2011-09-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

I believe that people should be happy, and have the right to be happy. Happiness is an essential ingredient to our success.

A recent Harvard study http://bit.ly/pxylJk concluded that happiness is the single greatest competitive advantage in the 21st century. They suggest that if you are happy first success will follow. In other words, success does not make you happy but happiness makes you successful.

But do we really know what makes us happy?

Many of us spend most of our lives developing and valuing our first class education, our high powered career and our ability to collect material things. As a society this has become how we measure and define success. But do these achievements really make us happy? Everyone knows people who are brilliant yet unhappy or financially successful and unhappy. I know from my own life that a first class education, owning my own business and acquiring lots of material things did not bring me the fulfillment and joy that I thought they would.

The same Harvard study estimated that having a good education and great technical skills contribute only 25% of our success at work and in life. To be successful in work and life, there are other character traits that we must possess. So what are these traits? They include optimism, emotional resilience, empathy, the ability to make social connections and viewing stress as a challenge instead of as a threat. The study calls these traits the “silent 75%.” The “silent 75%.” are generally viewed as ‘soft skills’ and their long term importance to our happiness is routinely undervalued.

The study, however, concludes that long-term success at work and in life “is based upon our ability to positively adapt to the world”; to be happy, joyful and optimistic, since we are more likely to achieve our full potential when we are feeling positive. As a culture we need to focus on these ‘soft skills’- the silent 75% – and all of us should seek to build and strengthen these traits within us in order to be more joyful human beings. To be truly happy and therefore successful requires the right balance between our rational and emotional skills.

Despite achieving in my education and career I had a realization that I simply wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be. My joy was limited despite the material abundance around me and my successes didn’t fulfill me the way I had expected. I began to make a very conscious effort to focus on doing things that fed my spirit. I decided to focus on the things that brought me more happiness and joy – like making sure I have dinner with a friend at least once a week, connecting daily with family members by phone or in person and doing work that is meaningful and engaging.

I believe that happiness is found deep within, that it comes from our soul and not from external things. So take a peek inside and find your joy. The journey of self-discovery can be very personal and private and each person has to determine what truly makes them happy. But take comfort in knowing that this is important and essential work to ‘get to happy.’

Below are eleven happiness boosters outlined by Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage. Try them out and see how you feel:

1. Smile
2. Open doors
3. Offer a seat at your table in a busy cafe
4. Make eye contact
5. Start a conversation with someone who looks lonely
6. Listen
7. Have deep meaningful conversations
8. Give money to beggars without conditions attached
9. Try and put a positive spin on a bad situation
10. Meditate so you are calmer for your family
11. Volunteer for someone who really needs it

I know many of these have worked for me! Which of these work best for you?

Original post written for Joy Campaign August 2011.

THE BRAIN

2011-04-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

The Most Mysterious Part of the Human Body

In honor of stroke awareness month, The ACADEMi of Life presents an Evening in Conversation with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor a Harvard trained brain scientist who studied her own stroke as it happened and lived to tell this astonishing story. Details of the event on 5/11/11 in NYC at http://bit.ly/dF3CoQ

Take a look at this amazing musical video: An ODE to the BRAIN featuring Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor by The Symphony of Science, which is a musical project designed to deliver scientific knowledge and philosophy in musical form http://bit.ly/euurgM. The words to the song in the video are below.

It's amazing to consider that I'm holding in my hands
The place where someone once felt, thought, and loved
For centuries, scientists have been battling to understand
What this unappealing object is all about

Here is this mass of jelly
You can hold in the palm of your hands
And it can contemplate the vastness of interstellar space

The brain has evolved from the inside out
It's structure reflects all the stages through which it has passed

Information in the form of energy
Streams in simultaneously
Through all of our sensory systems

And then it explodes into this enormous collage
Of what this present moment looks like
What it feels like
And what it sounds like

And then it explodes into this enormous collage
And in this moment we are perfect
We are whole and we are beautiful

It appears rather gruesome
Wrinkled like a walnut, and with the consistency of mushroom
What we know is encoded in cells called neurons
And there are something like a hundred trillion neural connections
This intricate and marvelous network of neurons has been called
An enchanted loom

The neurons store sounds too, and snatches of music
Whole orchestras play inside our heads

20 million volumes worth of information
Is inside the heads of every one of us
The brain is a very big place
In a very small space

No longer at the mercy of the reptile brain
We can change ourselves
Think of the possibilities

Think of your brain as a newspaper
Think of all the information it can store
But it doesn't take up too much room
Because it's folded

We see with the eyes
But we see with the brain as well
And seeing with the brain
Is often called imagination

It is the most mysterious part of the human body
And yet it dominates the way we live our adult lives
It is the brain!

HAPPINESS

2011-03-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

Why happiness matters!

‘The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.’ Everyone wants to be happy, yet many are not.

I recently read about an organization called Action for Happiness whose mission is to bring happiness to the world. It’s really a ‘movement for positive social change bringing together people from all walks of life who want to play a part in creating a happier society for everyone.’

I was completely taken with its mission as it’s so closely aligned with the purpose of The ACADEMi of Life; so I joined the movement. Once you join the movement, the ten keys to happiness (GREAT DREAM) below are shared. You will also get a set of personal aspirations for life.

TEN KEYS TO A HAPPIER LIFE

Giving - Do things for others
Relating - Connect with people
Exercising - Take care of your body
Appreciating - Notice the world around
Trying out - Keep learning new things

D irection - Have goals to look forward to
Resilience - Find ways to bounce back
E motion - Take a positive approach
A cceptance - Be comfortable with who you are
M eaning - Be part of something bigger

On their site (www.actionforhappiness.org) I found an iPhone app called mappiness, used to track your happiness. It is a part of a research project at the London School of Economics. I downloaded the app and use it to track and submit my happiness data on a daily basis.

I am thrilled and excited that this organization exists to serve as the focal point for a fundamental shift in cultural values. We need social enterprises like Action for Happiness and The ACADEMi of Life to bring together groups of like-minded people who will commit themselves to try to produce more happiness in the world and less misery. I remain confident that we can create a society in which people feel better inside themselves – where they are happier.

Dalai Lama: "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

LOVE

2011-01-30T15:35:00.000-08:00

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?
As we enter a month usually focused on our relationships with others, take a moment to remember the importance of your relationship with yourself.

Who can help us understand love, love of self and others, better than the courageous, funny and self-deprecating author Elizabeth Gilbert. This award-winning writer and NYT bestselling author (EAT, PRAY, LOVE – A story of self-discovery and COMMITTED – A love story) needs no introduction. Her books are a fascinating meditation on marriage, men, relationships, infatuation, and family, and – ultimately – an enthralling celebration and understanding of love.

So please join us on February 24th, at 7pm at The New York Society for Ethical Culture as The ACADEMi of Life presents An Evening in Conversation with Elizabeth Gilbert.

Here are a few things you probably don’t know about her.

• She is an expert on men.
• She impersonated a man for a week for an article she was writing for GQ magazine.
• She worked as a bartender at a bar named Coyote Ugly Salon on NY’s lower east side.
• She wrote an article for GQ magazine on her bartending experience which later became the movie Coyote Ugly.
• She met her future husband in the Coyote Ugly Salon.
• Her first book was a short story collection called PILGRIMS, which was a finalist for the PEN/Hemingway award.
• EAT, PRAY, LOVE was translated into over thirty languages and sold over 10 million copies.
• Her TED talk on Creativity is one of the most watched.
• In 2008, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Here are a few powerful nuggets from her recent book Committed

• Infatuation the most perilous aspect of human desire – that famously distracted state in which you cannot concentrate on anything other than the object of your obsession.
• People are far more susceptible to infatuation when they are going through delicate or vulnerable times in their lives. The more unsettled and unbalanced we feel, the more quickly and recklessly we are likely to fall in love.
• Divorce is the second most stressful experience most people will ever undergo in their lives. The emotional havoc that accompanies divorce is often colossal.
• Part of what makes the experience of divorce so dreadful is the emotional ambivalence.
• It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people ever to rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse.
• All human beings have failings, so to be fully seen by somebody, and to be loved anyhow-this is a human offering that can border on the miraculous.
• Marriage, childbearing and child rearing are personal, complicated and generally ambivalent decisions.
• Childless women who are a part of the ‘Auntie Brigade’ should be honored and celebrated for they often take upon themselves the task of nurturing those who are not their official biological responsibility.
• If you honestly want a society in which people choose their own partners on the basis of personal affection, then you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. There will be broken hearts; there will be broken lives. Exactly because the human heart is such a mystery.

As the big love day approaches, take a moment to ponder this observation: the most important relationship and the greatest love affair you will ever have is the one with self. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Don’t miss this candid modern dialogue with Elizabeth Gilbert on these very important topics. Details http://bit.ly/fUnTC5

Family

2010-12-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

…what does it mean?

As the holidays approach, the conversations begin regarding the dread and duty people feel about spending time with their family. It seems as if we have been conditioned or socialized to believe that we must love and get along with our families. Life has taught me that love cannot be legislated, coerced or demanded, it has to be authentically given…even to our family.

What is this thing called family anyway? We are born and we get to meet these people called our parents; Mom & Dad…we become sons and daughters. We also get to meet the extended family, grandma and grandpa, sisters, brothers and cousins. Then later we meet the nieces and nephews and grand nieces and grand nephews. The western culture dictionary definition of family (from Latin: familiare) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity (same blood), affinity, or co-residence.

Throughout the years we discover that we have varying levels of affection for these people to whom we are connected by blood. Some we love, some we like and some we don’t care for at all. I have had friends who have confessed that they feel as if they were strangers in their own families, yet they yearn for the ‘belonginess’ of a family. I have had mothers tell me how much they dislike their kids, and I have had brothers and sisters relate the difficulties they have getting along with their siblings.

Why is there is so much strife within a family? Families test us, they bring out the best and worst in us. As in other relationships, the family serves as a basic training ground to redress pass hurts and disappointments and if we can get pass that and only show love, then we become better people and the world becomes a better place. Families are really our spiritual practice…the milieu where we learn to become our best selves despite the challenges of ‘getting along’.

I know from personal experience that as much as my immediate family can be challenging and dysfunctional at times, there is nothing more memorable than spending quality time with them. The shared history, the loving moments, the birth of the new ones, the fights, the disappointments, the divorces, the marriages, the deaths, are all necessary and important experiences for us to learn and grow in love. I cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

The true essence of our creation is Love. Love is what rules the universe, so to be able to transcend and love the people closest to us who truly know our weaknesses and frailties, is the ultimate in unconditional love. As human we have a difficult time loving ourselves and other unconditionally. To date, I have found that a mother is generally the only person on earth, who comes closest to delivering unconditional love…the person who will continually and consistently be there to support and love her children, even the ‘most troubled'.

As we celebrate the holidays, let’s try hard to love, to see the good in all, be emphatic, be understanding and tolerant. Know that our negative actions and reactions are all coming from our wounded childhood traumas… so when Grandma says something that really makes you crazy…just pause, take a breath and smile! Happy Holidays!

TRUE WEALTH

2010-10-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

Raising Balanced, Responsible, Productive Children!

‘Mama may have, Papa may, but God bless the child that’s got his own’ – Billie Holiday

How do you raise children that are emotionally balanced, productive and have decent values? For eons, the answer to this question has eluded most parents; especially wealthy ones. There seems to be no guaranteed formulas or guidelines for raising ‘successful’ kids.

Increasingly we read about children of the wealthy leading less than productive, values driven lives. The stories in the media are endless regarding the ‘curse of rich kids,’ the excessive partying, drugs and alcohol use. The parents of these children face significant challenges of raising them to become responsible, emotionally balanced adults who grow up to be contributing members of society with meaningful lives of their own.

The increasing money culture in the US ‘is producing a record number of heirs—but handing down values is harder than handing down wealth.’ In fact Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world has proclaimed his intention to leave each of his children only about $10 million and Warren Buffett, the second richest, has said, “I want to give my kids enough so that they could feel that they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.”

‘It suggests that two of the richest men on the planet see their own fortunes as a ticking time bomb—and potentially corrosive to their children’s future well-being.’ No one learned this better than Warren Buffett’s son, Peter Buffett Author, Composer, Emmy Award-winning Musician & Philanthropist. His recent book ‘Life Is What You Make It’ reveals that the real inheritance handed down from his parents was a philosophy: forge your own path in life regardless of your circumstances. It is a creed that has allowed him to follow his own passions, establish his own identity, and reap his own successes.

Buffett and Gates philosophy is supported by Harris Stratyner, a Manhattan psychologist who reveals that the thing that most distressed rich kids fantasize about when it comes to their family money, is not that they have too much of it, but “that they’d made it themselves.” It’s often difficult for them to feel fulfilled about anything valuable that has been handed down to them, since self-esteem and self-worth are generally tied to achieving your own successes.

In NYC on 11/11/2010 A Conversation and Concert with Peter Buffett "for young people seeking to find his or her place in the world, and for every family hoping to give their children the best possible start in life.” http://bit.ly/8YlMti

Ideas to live by from the music of Bob Marley

2010-09-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

A spiritual genius!

Spirituality has nothing to do with what you believe but everything to do with your state of consciousness. Your inner spirit.

Bob Marley was a seeker who was never afraid to look within. I consider him to be a musical prophet, a spiritual genius and a timeless mystic. He left a body of work that is instructive and can help us live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Below are quotes from his music. I have taken the liberty of categorizing the messages.

Self- Awareness
Life is one big road with lots of signs.
Open your eyes and look within are you satisfied with the life you're living.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind.

Positivity
If you get down and quarrel every day, you're saying prayers to the devil, I say. Why not help one another on the way… makes it much easier.
Don't worry about a thing: because every little thing is gonna be alright.
I say, you just can’t live that negative way…make way for the positive day.

Love
Can a woman's tender care seize towards the child she bears.
Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

World Peace-Oneness
Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandon…there will be WAR.
One love one heart.

Trust
Man to Man is so unjust…you don’t know who to trust! Your worst enemy can be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy.
Only your friends know your secret so only they can reveal it.

Universal Truths
In the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty.
The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.
He who fight and run away, live to fight another day.
You ain’t gonna miss your water until your well runs dry.
You can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

“As a culture we're starving for some real connection; something we can grab onto and make sense of us. Few people are up to the challenge of doing the work; the real spiritual work that requires us to look inside; to look at the real motivations behind the actions we take. You want to know yourself. Look at what's motivating you.” - Geneen Roth

On Aging

2010-08-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am getting older…yet I feel young on the inside!

Most of us are so afraid of getting old and as a result don’t embrace the aging process. What is this thing called growing old and why am I so afraid of it? Why do I spend hours plucking any visible signs of grey hairs from my scalp? (If I keep this up I am going to be bald very soon) As I lament getting older, the crazy thing is I feel young on the inside. Is there a difference between inner age and outer age?

From the outside I see and feel that the years are rapidly passing by, yet on the inside I feel calm, young and vital. When I look at photographs of myself I notice that my looks change from decade to decade, however the daily looks at me in the mirror don't reveal the dramatic changes of the aging process. I am grateful for the gradual, imperceptible daily rate of the aging, giving me time to grow accustomed to my face.

I recently read an article on celebrating older women by British actress, Harriet Walter and she concludes that ‘there’s something within us that lasts beyond youth and that we shouldn’t feel insecure and scared about getting older.’ Eckhart Tolle, author and spiritual teacher believes that ‘the inner aliveness never gets old…there is the eternal, timeless, formless dimension that you feel on the inside… pay attention to the inner age and less on your external age,’ he counsels.

I realize that a big part of the insecurity and fear of aging is the fear of dying. I am reminded that it's the destiny of all forms; a flower, an apple, a pet or a human being, to age and die. I believe we should be taught at an early age that aging is inevitable and acceptance of our wrinkles, grey hair and gradual decline is our destiny. With acceptance comes peace and if we can accept this fact, then we can truly make peace with aging.

Tolle also believes that when the physical form starts to age, the state of ‘Being’ is more valuable to us than the state of ‘Doing’ and we should attempt to get in touch with that inner age, that inner aliveness that never ages…our spirits. In older civilizations old people embody the realm of spirit and are deeply respected and revered and I think we need to learn how to honor this sacredness in aging which could bring us to a deeper dimension in our lives.

I think this is good advice and I am going to heed it!

FATHERLY LOVE

2010-06-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

A father’s role in creating the Space of Love

Not much is written about a Father’s role and love in the life of a child. I consider myself very lucky I had a remarkably loving father. He was a silent, tender, giant of a man, an accountant who served in The Royal Air force in WW11. I adored my father and although he is no longer here, I think of him often and feel his presence of everlasting guidance and love.

So what do fathers need to do to free and nurture the soul of their children...creating that ‘space of love’ as my father did for me?

I recently saw the movie ‘Babies’ and there was a scene where one of the babies became over- the-top frustrated as she played with her numerous state of the art toys, none of which brought her any joy. There was another scene in the movie of a baby observing the movement of a bug in the dirt and she seemed so engaged and at peace.

I was immediately reminded of a passage I read in the book ‘The Ringing Cedar Series – The Space of Love’. ‘A bug is a more perfect mechanism than any manufactured product. Every bug is a living thing and is a part of creation and as such aids the child in becoming aware of and connected to the essence of the Universe and of himself as part of it. Artificially created objects have no such connection and do not arrange priorities and values in the child’s brain in the right way.’ Another book I recently read, ‘The Continuum Concept’ says 'babies grow best in health, happiness, intelligence, self-reliance, courage and cooperativeness when they are reared in the continuum of the human biological experience…'

So how does a 21st century father nurture the soul of his child? I am no expert but I think spending meaningful time with your child in nature and and tell them as often as you can ‘I see you’ (Sawu Bona) might be a good place to start…maybe even read the books mentioned.

A man who is free from aggression, selfishness, fear and other dark feelings emanates the Light of Love. Shine your light of love on your child. Happy Father's Day.

MOTHERLY LOVE

2010-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

What is this thing called a mother’s love?

Several experiences this weekend lead me to reflect deeply on the meaning of motherhood. The first experience was my attendance at a Barack Obama’s initiative to serve brunch to mothers at a homeless shelter in NYC to celebrate Mother’s Day. These mothers were women from all walks of life each mentally challenged and the majority had children. The second experience was seeing two movies; ‘Babies’ and ‘Mother and Child.’

So what did I learn from those experiences? I realized that being a mother is probably one of the most difficult roles a person elects to undertake. I also realized that society does not allow us to be truthful about the awesome responsibility and difficulty of motherhood. The way it’s portrayed in the movies is an experience that is always blissful and peaceful, yet the reality is sometimes very different. I recall a friend telling me that the only way she survived the birth of her son, was to pretend that he was only going to be with her for a short time.

A mother’s love, especially in the formative years, is a selfless unselfish act and is considered the highest kind of love. Most women want kids and are happy with their newborn. Eric Fromm in ‘The Art of Loving’ describes the love of a mother as: ‘A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.' But as the child grows up and begins to separate from the mother, motherly love becomes difficult because it continues to require unselfishness, the ability to give everything and want nothing in return.

According to Fromm, ‘the real achievement of motherly love lies not in the mother’s love for the small infant, but in her love for the growing child.’ He concludes that ‘a woman can be a truly loving mother only if she can love’ meaning that she is a happy person who loves herself, her family, her husband, other children, strangers and all human beings. Well said Eric!!

COURAGEOUS LEADERSHIP

2010-04-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Evolving the Corporate Machine with LOVE!

“Businesses have become the most powerful and influential institutions on earth, rivaling any government or nation state. But public distrust of business is at an historic high; many employees and customers are disconnected from the companies they work for or buy from; suppliers feel squeezed; communities often organize to keep certain businesses out. With overworked employees and burnt-out executives, it is no surprise that there are calls for Love to have a greater place in our lives, in business and work.”

My new venture, The ACADEMi of Life (www.theacademioflife.com) hosts an event in NYC on May 12, 2010: An Evening in Conversation with Kevin Roberts, CEO Worldwide of Saatchi & Saatchi, a person I consider a courageous leader. He is passionate and unafraid about discussing the role of love in business and believes that the responsibility of businesses is to make the world a better place.

Roberts is truly a fearless, authentic leader who likes ideas and loves inspiration. And hates the word “but”. He’s constantly provocative and restless. He has an international reputation for an uncompromisingly positive, inspirational leadership style, and an extraordinary ability to generate ideas and emotional connections that accelerate value. Kevin is also the originator of Lovemark thinking, a methodology on how to evolve brands into a product or service that people adore. He authored the best-selling business book ‘Lovemarks’ which was published in 18 different languages.

Roberts was the keynote speaker at our annual Women Presidents Organization Conference a few years ago and over 600 women declared him as one of the best speaker we've ever had (and we've had some of the best, Malcolm Gladwell, Gary Hamel, Jim Collins etc.)

“I consider him inspiring and transformational and his message is essentially about the power of love and truly connecting with people, some of whom happen to be our customers, our employees, our suppliers our community and our shareholders. He is an experience not to be missed and you can learn more about him and his work at www.saatchikevin.com However in my opinion nothing you read can truly describe his impact.” – M. Goodfriend

Join us and experience his impact! http://bit.ly/dC2PVs

“Humans live by their emotions. That is how we make decisions and how we run our lives, whether it’s around a family dining table or a corporation’s boardroom table. The greatest emotion is Love and because business is part of life, business needs Love.” Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi & Saatchi

THE ART OF CONVERSATION

2010-03-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

WE NEED TO TALK

I recently read Catherine Blyth’s The ART of Conversation a manual on how to be a great conversationalist. I was particularly interested in this topic since our new venture The ACADEMI of Life (www.theacademioflife.com), a place where we discuss ideas to perfect our lives, offers a weekly conversation dinner event.

These dinners confirmed that attendees had no difficulty being conversationalists. In fact I learned that there was this great need to talk. And this talk needed to be face to face. I also learned how essential these conversations were to our well-being and how valuable the simple pleasure of talking to one another is. People were open, eager to spend time with each other connecting and sharing their life stories…one more intriguing than the other. The conversations were transformative and provided great insights on how we can lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

The book contains these wonderful gems:
• Good conversations can come close to heaven
• Conversation is where the raw stuff of life is spun into art
• Conversations awaken us to each other
• Conversation is good for the brain – better than a hundred pills
• Conversations can heal us
• Conversations give us humanity
• Talk less we understand each other less

I am reminded of the old French salons where conversations was most revered, where the great thinkers, writers, artists, politicians got together to share ideas to innovate, to reason and to produce best-selling books and form lifelong friendships.

I am excited about the possibilities of these dinner conversations…and remain confident that we can change the world one conversation at a time!

SELF-LOVE

2010-02-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

I recently read Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”

As I reflect on the word LOVE in the month of February, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

I LOVE BUSINESS

2010-01-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

"Work is Love made Visible"- Kahlil Gibran

After seven years of working in major corporations and with over 22 years leading a company whose clients were primarily Fortune 1000, I came to realize that I and others who worked in these mammoth entities were generally unhappy, fearful and stressed.

I LOVE business and I have loved it since the age of 5 years when I opened an imaginary store and literally sold as products, ‘dirt’ and leaves from trees, to my sisters. I loved it when I would go into the shop next door to my house and buy candy. I remember watching in awe as the shopkeeper Master Alan skillfully weighed the flour and sugar he sold. The scale he used was this metal device balanced on a chain that hung from the ceiling. He would put empty brown paper bags on the scale and scoop out the flour or sugar from crocus cloth bags on the floor and fill the bags. He would meticulously and gently fold the bags using consistent motions and finally the finished product – 2 lbs of sugar or flour for the customer. I loved watching this process. I loved the notion that if you requested a product it was provided with loving care and in turn, you would pay for the service with money, given in recognition of a job well done. What I witnessed was a ‘loving exchange’ as both buyer and seller experienced happiness, joy and satisfaction during the process. Watching this was inspiring, it was awesome! Many years later I read a quote by Kahlil Gibran “work is love made visible” and realized that what Master Alan was engaged in was a loving act and what was really being exchanged between the buyer and seller was “love”.

From that experience and many others since then, I concluded that the real purpose of a business is to lovingly create products and services in exchange for love through the vehicle of money. Money was the vehicle to express love for the products received from Master Alan. What if we would extend this feeling of love and loving responses to all the constituents of a business, the employees, the customers, suppliers, investors and society and in so doing produce quiet joy and happiness for all participants. What an evolution this would be; a business always engaged in the exchange of LOVE and loving it!

Excerpt from a book I am currently writing titled “How Big Business Can Save the Lives of their People…a Guide to Authentic Leadership”

ANGELS OR DEVILS?

2009-12-11T09:29:00.000-08:00

Living Life from the Gray area!

I recently read an interview with filmmaker Lee Daniels in which he talked about living life from the gray area and I quote: "Even the most evil person was somebody's baby at one time. And that's where life is lived. I've never been that comfortable with black and white."

His statement resonated deeply since I have always known that we all are imperfect beings full of ‘paradox and contradiction’ capable of unspeakable acts through words and deeds. The realization and acceptance of this ‘knowing’ is very freeing. It allows me to embrace my dark and light natures. It allows me to live a more authentic and courageous life. It allows me to forgive myself and others when mistakes are made. It allows me to be less judgmental and more accepting of myself and others. It allows me to be more compassionate and kind. It allows me to be a better human being.

As the year ends, I somehow feel that the acceptance of this very simply belief is the path to sanity and a happier life. But I would be remiss if I did not remain hopeful that sometime in the future, humans will evolve to ‘beings’ who will consistently choose to act and respond based on their ‘light’ nature…I remain confident in the eventual victory of good over evil.

WORLD MEDITATION DAY

2009-11-11T04:46:00.000-08:00

Making the world a better place, one breath at a time

Meditation is enjoying a renewed surge of popularity, penetrating the public consciousness as never before…it’s mainstream.

So what is meditation? “Meditation is a discipline that prepares one to engage in the world with greater accuracy, flexibility, and authenticity. It is not a quick fix but a discipline that, when cultivated, can provide ongoing and powerful support for the practice of a fulfilling life.”

Meditative practices are being taken up in corporate America (Google, Apple, AOL, Saatchi & Saatchi, Raytheon, Deutche Bank, Hughes Aircraft) and is being declared as a 21st century management tool. McKinsey Managing Partner Michael Rennie, an avid meditator, who has studied the beneficial effects of meditation in corporations, heads the McKinsey’s Performance Leadership Program which uses meditation practices to release the desire for authenticity, dignity and real human connection within a critical mass of individuals in a given organization. Corporations are realizing that after arranging meditation classes for their staff, they have reduced stress levels, are less irritable, more focused, more productive, happier overall and have sharpened intuition.

Meditation is also being taught at YMCAs, hospitals (a foundation run by Donna Karan, donated $850,000 to NYC’s Beth Israel Medical Center to test whether meditation and yoga can enhance the traditional medical treatments for cancer), the military, in medicine to make doctors better, at Harvard Law School to help law students become better negotiators and in public schools to reduce the stress levels of students (the goal of the David Lynch Foundation, is to bring meditation to one million schoolchildren in the classroom).

When we meditate we create stillness. Stillness is where inspiration, creativity and solutions to problems are found. The more we practice meditation we are able to move beyond our active minds and emotions and discover great depths of lasting peace, contentment and serenity…the joy of being. From this place of joy we are able to create “fields of grace” allowing our interactions with others to be more loving, compassionate, authentic and fulfilling. With time, we become better people and the world becomes a better place.

So, to bring lasting peace and love to our world, we declare 11/11/11 World Meditation Day and at 11:11 am/pm on that day for 11 minutes, our goal is to have 1.1 million people meditating to either the Joy Of Being meditation http://bit.ly/lKjcm or any other meditation of your choosing. Eleven minutes of pure bliss. Let’s begin the practice today on 11/11/09 and start to build our meditation community and we will do it again on 11/11/10 until we get to our big day: 11/11/11.

Join our meditation community and movement on Facebook at http://bit.ly/67xaqB

Detachment

2009-10-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

I recently gave a speech titled “How to find peace in the midst of the chaos-A Personal Journey of Transformation” and shared the process of identifying, examining and resolving personal painful childhood experiences. A friend who was in the audience later remarked that what she loved about the speech was my ability to relate my painful stories from a place of detachment.

For a moment, I questioned whether I was being inauthentic by being detached and immediately recalled a poem by Rumi, called the Guest House:

GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guesthouse.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture,
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.

We each have our painful stories and can either choose to see them as “guests”, as impermanent experiences to be understood and discarded or choose to see them as permanent memories of who we are.

I now realize that I have always chosen to see my painful stories as impermanent so they become transformative not crippling. So during my speech I was able to share them from a place of detachment, because they were simply my “valuable guests” who will eventually leave.

9/11 Remembered: Conversation with a Kid

2009-09-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today I picked up my 8 yr old great-nephew from his school which is close to Ground Zero, to take him to soccer practice. Since it rained all day in New York City, soccer practice was cancelled. We made our way to my apartment and our conversation was a bit about his day at school and a lot about 9/11. He wanted to watch “something” about 9/11 on TV, so we surfed the channels and found great programming on the history channel. I realized that he was only eight months when 9/11 happened and did not fully understand the details.

For the first time he realized the planes were regular passenger planes with ordinary people like him, he thought they were kamikaze pilots flying those planes (he had recently done a project on World War 11). He then wondered why people would intentionally fly planes into the W.T.C buildings. My response was measured but honest. He got a bit sad, looked me directly in the eyes and asked; did any children die?

I quickly responded no, but there was a little voice in my head questioning the response. At that moment, at that time, the pain on his face did not allow me to share my doubt about the answer. Later that evening my research confirmed that in fact seven children had lost their lives traveling on those planes on that day. Someday I will tell him the truth about those children, but not today.

Soul Musings

2009-08-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

Nicholas Kristof’s opinion titled How to Recharge Your Soul, in the August 9th issue of the New York Times states “in the same way you recharge your BlackBerry from time to time, you should also recharge your soul – by spending part of August disconnected from the Web and reconnected with the universe.” Is Kristof saying that if you recharge your soul you will be reconnected to the universe? So, is the soul a direct connection to the universe?

This caught my attention because I had just seen the movie Cold Souls by Sophie Barthes in which souls were extracted and stored on Roosevelt Island. When one of the owners of a soul died, the soul disappeared. So is this what happens to the soul when we die? It disappears!

But where is this soul of ours anyway? Recent books by Jill Bolte, Ph.D. a brain scientist and Keith Black, MD a master brain surgeon and quotes by Descartes and Plato made me conclude that the soul is probably in the brain….funny thing, I always thought it was in the heart.

One final musing…can the soul of a man be damaged by his mother at age three, yet he becomes the richest man in the world? Warren Buffet’s recent biography details his suffering at the hands of his mother, her tirades were constant and “she never stopped until both children “just folded,” says Warren, weeping helplessly.” By the time he was three years old…”it couldn't be put back together”, he says, for him or his sister….
”The damage to their souls was done.” Wow, sounds like you can make a lot of money with a damaged soul…is this a perquisite for being successful on Wall Street?

I agree with Kristof, regardless of where it is, where it goes after death or how badly damaged it is ...recharge it anyway by connecting to the universe. Go take a walk!